Monday, December 30, 2013

A New Year

Tomorrow is the last day of 2013. I still have Christmas songs stuck in my head and I'm not quite ready for 2014. I do not make resolutions for each new year. Studies show that they don't work anyway. But what I'm going to do this year is set a goal. Not an unrealistic goal that I'll beat myself up over if I don't achieve it (like we do with resolutions which ends up in a habitual cycle of hope, failure, and self loathing). My goal is to love myself even more. But, fat girl posing, don't you already love yourself wholly and completely? God, I wish. Yes, even I, who pose naked and then post those photos on the internet for people to see, am not totally at peace with myself.

by Travis McKeithan
Yesterday my husband said something about my, um, large posterior. Despite the fact that he was talking positively about it, it cut me. I guess I had this image in my head of myself and, yes, my giant ass, but I secretly hoped no one else had that same image of me. Which means I'm maybe not as far along on my self acceptance journey as I thought. Maybe if I had an ideally shaped fat frame (like the hour glass frame with a round booty) I'd be more at peace with myself. That's not an excuse though... self acceptance is about accepting yourself regardless of your shape. So, flat ass or no, I should be loving every inch of it. Hubby certainly does, so why can't I?

So that's my new year's goal. To love my big ass, my small breasts, my thick thighs, and every other part of me. I've come such a long way from self hatred and an eating disorder to fat activist and model. I'm not giving up now. I have so many wonderful fat activist and body positive friends whom I can go to for support or just to complain. I'm so thankful for every single reader and fan that I have on this blog and all of the support and love that you offer.

So, while this year is ending and another one is beginning, it gives us all an opportunity to be a little kinder to ourselves, to love ourselves a little more and, for the love of everything good, to ditch the diet resolutions. Weight loss is the number one resolution every new year's and also the number one failure. Why? Because diets don't work, no, not even if you call them "lifestyle changes". So make your goal to love your body, no matter what. All the rolls and wrinkles and dimples, the hills and the plains. Every part of you is special and beautiful. Every part of me is special and beautiful. Now, I just have to remember that for the rest of 2014. And I know I will will the support of my loved ones, friends, and, of course, all of you.

3 comments:

  1. Awww.. Hunny I've had those moments also. My husband said something to me when I was at my heaviest weight and it was after 3 months of giving birth to our second daughter and also dealing with her disability. I will know he meant well but I will never forget what he said. It brought me to tears at my daughter's doctors appointment. Since then I have made the same vow to love me for me. Love you hunny! Keep that head up!!! Here's to a new year!

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  2. Thanks for this piece. I was feeling a bit out of it for the past few days because since New Years is coming, my mom has been talking about how she needs to lose weight and subtly hinting that I should, too. Then she offered to take me out to shop for new, "flattering" clothes for the both of us.
    So thank you very much for this. It was something I needed to be reminded of. I have to learn to be at peace with myself, too, and this helped.

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  3. You will always look beautiful, heather no matter your size. I love your ass.

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