Sex and Prejudice; The Intertwining of Bigotry and Attraction

"I even know thin "allies" who exclusively date and sleep with other thin people under the guise of "it's just a preference!" or "I just haven't found a fat person I'm attracted to yet". Guess what? We make up 2/3 of the population in the United States, but you haven't seen a single fat person who is attractive and willing to sleep with you? Give me a break. "

That quote appeared in my last post while discussing fatphobia in intersectional vegan spaces and intersectional spaces in general. I posted it in several intersectional vegan groups and, while people agreed with most of the article, there were several people who came out with excuses for their lack of attraction to fat people. It appears that the above quote, needs some explaining.

These are some of the reactions that I got:

"Romantic/Sexual attraction can't be controlled"
"Not being attracted to fat people doesn't make me fatphobic!"
"What if POC are only attracted to other same POC? Is that racist then?"
"Then lesbians are misandrists for not being attracted to men!"
"Asexuals are racist, sexist, fatphobic, etc for not being attracted to anyone!"
"Guilting people into having sex with people they aren't attracted to is problematic/oppressive"

Oh man, where to even start with these! I guess, from the top.

The idea that attraction is innate is false. With the exception of sexuality (which is more fluid than people think), who we are and aren't attracted to is something that's been drilled into our heads since we could understand human language- maybe even before as we witnessed relationship dynamics around us. Studies show that children as young as 3 already express bias and prejudice in who they want to be friends with. This has been demonstrated with both skin color and body size and it's not because children are born racist or fatphobic, it's that they are taught to prefer one thing over another. In other word, yes, attraction can be controlled. It is controlled, just not by you.

 Don't get me wrong, attraction is deeply socially ingrained and conditioned and it's not an easy thing to change, but it is possible to change because it's not a product of our biology, it's a product of social conditioning. Working through prejudices and biases can absolutely change who you're attracted to. Your attraction is greatly influenced by social beauty norms- this is one reason why different bodies were considered attractive at different points in time- because the beauty ideal changes based on social factors.

What is learned can be unlearned. Isn't that a lot of what intersectionality and allyship is about? Unpacking our previously held prejudices and understanding our own privilege as well as how oppression intersects across marginalized groups? Well guess what- fat people are a marginalized group and you don't get to just dismiss all of us. We're incredibly varied individuals. Maybe you're not attracted to all fat people- no one is attracted to literally everyone- but to say that no fat person could ever pique your interest is fatphobic at it's core.

So yes, not being attracted to fat people, any fat people ever, is indeed fatphobic. It shows that you see us as nothing but our fat, nothing but our bodies. It's not only fatphobic, it's also objectifying and dehumanizing. You have reduced us to our bodies and deemed them unworthy. What's more, you, as the thin privileged, don't get to decide what is or isn't oppressive or problematic when talking about fat people- we do. The voices of the marginalized will trump your privileged voices every time. Your job, as an ally, is to listen, internalize what we've said, and to work towards changing the attitudes that we've called out.

It's interesting that the white, cishet, male, poster decided to bring POC into the argument. As I pointed out in the last post, people who are fatphobic often have other prejudices they're hiding. This was no different. Here's the first thing you need to know: POC can't be racist. Racism requires a power over someone else on a systemic level that people of color just don't have. POC can, however, be biased and prejudiced (this is not the same thing as racism). If a POC doesn't want to date or sleep with their oppressor (white people) then that's fine. In that case, it's less about skin color and more about the people who are enacting violence against you every day. In the same way, I could refuse to date thin people because their privilege makes it harder to relate and, at some point, they're going to say or do something bigoted against me. Should I have to put up with oppression from the people I love and who are supposed to love me? I don't think so. But, let's be clear, marginalized folk refusing to sleep with their oppressors is not the same as the privileged refusing to allow attraction to the marginalized.

Speaking of dragging other marginalized people into it, it's again interesting that we couldn't just talk about fat people- now we have to drag queer people into it. Specifically monosexual queer people. Is it misandrist for lesbians to only date women? Well no. Firstly because misandry isn't real. Not anymore than "straight oppression"or "reverse racism" is real. As I explained above- oppression takes an element of systemic power that oppressed people just don't have. Women just can't be sexist against men.

But I get what you're asking- what you're really asking is if sexual orientation is a choice or socially conditioned the way thin preference is. The answer is a little complicated since a lot of people fall within the gray area of sexual attraction- the largest portion of the LGBT community, for example, are bisexuals who can absolutely choose who they want to date and sleep with. I would not blame a bisexual woman at all if she chose to not sleep with men (her oppressors), but, we've already talked about that. Strictly monosexual women are born with their sexualities already intact. If we're talking about social conditioning- we condition our children for straightness, not queerness. Sexual orientation is something we're all born with. Fatphobia isn't. And, may I just say, it's super shitty to try to compare queerness to socially conditioned preferences.

After discussing this- do I really need to go into the "asexuals are racist" argument? Innate sexuality vs conditioned preferences.. can we move on now?

But really, bottom line, can you not drag other marginalized people into the discussion? It derails the actual conversation and does a disservice to those people who deserve their own opportunity to talk and have their voices heard.

The last one was a big one for me because this person was trying to reverse the blame by implying I'm the problematic one. This is a tactic often used by abusers in interpersonal relationships. It's like saying "It's your fault I hurt you, you shouldn't have made me mad!" Reversing the responsibility is manipulative at best as well as a straight out refusal to recognize your own privilege and prejudices.

Yes, guilting people into having sex with someone, for ANY reason, is not okay. In fact, that's not even sex, that's rape. But that's not what we're talking about here. No one is forcing anyone to sleep with someone they're not attracted to. What we're arguing here is that if you weren't fatphobic, you would experience a wider variety of attraction, including to fat people. We're not saying to sleep with people you aren't attracted to, we're saying to sleep with people you ARE attracted to and that that attraction, free from prejudice, includes fat people. Excluding any entire marginalized group, outside of sexual orientation, as a possible partner will always be problematic.

Honestly, the amount of fatphobia that I experienced across the three groups that my last piece was posted proves my point about intersectional vegans or even just intersectional people in general. Many aren't actually intersectional. I also want to point out, in the same threads, I witnessed ableism, tone policing, racism and sexism. (I was actually told that my style of writing was "too dominant" and that I could make my point by being "less dominant"- tone policing and sexism all in one!). I do want to take a moment to thank the admins in each group who stepped in to shut the problematic people down- in one case the admins had to actually turn commenting off because it was getting so awful and out of hand.

So, if you claim to be intersectional, I suggest you start unpacking some shit and letting your bigotry go. Being intersectional means always striving to improve yourself and how you interact with marginalized people and communities. I expect better from you, starting right now.

I will be taking questions in the comments, which may end up on a future post.

Intersectional Vegans: Search for a Community That Doesn't Exist

Fat.

Fat is something that pretty much everyone talks about. The discussion is almost always centered
around how not to be fat with the occasional fat acceptance blurb thrown in there before promptly being smashed and strangled out of existence. Fat acceptance is a stain on intersectional politics.
Even the most intersectional among us tend to be fatphobic, especially thin intersectional identified people. Let's be honest here, fatphobia crosses political lines. It doesn't matter how conservative or how progressive you are, you're probably fatphobic. You may even consider yourself to be an ally to be fat people and the fat acceptance movement, but when is the last time you called out fatphobia, posted an article on fatphobia, brought it up in a group, raised up the voices of fat people, or even made a simple post on social media denouncing fatphobia. Where are you allies when I'm fighting trolls telling me to get cancer and die or to kill myself and make the world a better place. You're probably focused on some intersectional issue - any intersectional issue- except for mine.

Don't get me wrong here, other intersectional issues are important- ableism, sexism, racism, queerphobia, transphobia, etc. But, I think, what you fail to realize, is that fatphobia intersects with each and everone one of those things. Intersections- I mean, that's what you thrive on. Looking at overlapping oppression and seeing the individual struggles that marginalized people face because of it. Unless that person is fat.

If you're not flat out fatphobic, I'm surprised, but what's far more common are people who claim to be allies, but don't actually care about fatphobia or thin privilege. You may pay lip service to your own thin privilege, but that's as far as you're willing to go. I even know thin "allies" who exclusively date and sleep with other thin people under the guise of "it's just a preference!" or "I just haven't found a fat person I'm attracted to yet". Guess what? We make up 2/3 of the population in the United States, but you haven't seen a single fat person who is attractive and willing to sleep with you? Give me a break.

Getting back to how fatphobia crosses political lines, I'd like to talk a little bit about fatphobia in the vegan movement. I think we all know by now, that vegans can be some of the most fatphobic people in the world. Veganism, even veganism properly focused on non human animal rights and liberation, has a vein of healthism running through it, which hugely intersects with fatphobia. The idea that veganism is healthiest when eating a plant based diet and that that will result in thinness as well as lack of health issues.

I'm pretty sure that I haven't met a single vegan yet who hasn't said something shitty to me about my body size (even if they've grown over time by knowing me and become a better ally). And those who haven't said anything shitty, well, their actions speak  loudest. Vegans often pride themselves on being progressive and intersectional, even as sexism, racism, fatphobia, and healthism flourish within the community. Even then, there are many groups which specifically were established to fight racism and sexism in mainstream veganism. Fatphobia is rarely, if ever, a part of their mission statement as something to resist or fight against.

I'm not even necessarily upset by mainstream vegans who engage in all kinds of bigotry. I'm upset at those vegans who think they are above those problems, that bigotry. Vegans who are intersectional, feminist, and anti racism. Vegans who talk about classism and accessibility, and then sideeye you when you are fat and not ashamed of it or actively tring to lose weight. Vegans who schedule meetings and social activities in places that you don't fit or belong. Vegans who talk about cleanses and green smoothies and how, not that size is important, but, they've lost 5lbs already.

As an intersectional feminist and a fat vegan, I'd love to say that I've found a communit who shares my ideals. I have not. I feel outside of every group or community that I am a part of and find myself leaving those communities with regularity.

Vegans: you need to do better. You need to be better. You need to talk about fatphobia and issues surrounding fatphobia. You need to talk about the oppressions that intersect with fatphobia and you need to acknowledge our privilege. Be an ally. No.. be a good  ally. Examnine your prejudices and biases and come out a better person for it.

I'm tired of standing alone.

Fatphobia, Ableism, and the Thin Privilege Voice

Years ago, I posted a video on youtube. I had seen a sign for a child's fat camp (weight loss program) and it pissed me off. I pulled into the next parking lot, walked, and took the sign, throwing it into into my trunk. Once home, I spray painted it to read "Give the gift of no diets", as it was near Christmas time. I literally received thousands of comments (they were moderated and never made it onto the actual video). They ranged anywhere from death and rape threats, to name calling, to vague future health threats, and even accusations of being a terrorist. I'm not kidding- a terrorist. Because, as their logic went, I was engaging in the mass killings of fat children by wanting them to remain fat. Interesting how twisted a fatphobe's logic is considering that fatphobia and stigma kill fat more children than fat ever has.

Still, the number one comments I got were on m breathing- heavy breathing specifically. The trolls took this as proof that I was too fat and needed to exercise and lose weight.

I have a condition, as some of you know already, called POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome). It means that as my posture changes, from lying to standing, my heart rate increases by at least 30 beats per minute, usually causing tachycardia (a heart rate of over 100). A normal heart rate for a woman my age is 60-100bpm. My standing heart rate is about 20-40 over that just from standing up.  Even mild exercise can make my heart go through the roof. Walking gently and leisurely can raise my HR up to almost 200bpm, which is the same predicted heart rate of a woman my age who is engaging in extreme exercise and is the maximum rate a heart should go. So, for me, walking slowly on even ground, is about the same as running a marathon for someone else. Have you ever seen someone run a marathon and not get winded? Yeah, me neither. (Oh, did I mention that fainting is included for someone with POTS? So pushing myself to exercise as my heart rate pushes 200 is very dangerous).

But that's not the kicker. People were observing that a light stroll shouldn't make a person breath so heavily. They were correct. But, the didn't account for illnesses which cause heavy breathing, especially in bitter cold weather. (For example, I could just as likely have had asthma, a much more common breathing issue than POTS.) I'm not saying any of this to justify myself or be the "good fatty" because fuck that. It's simply a bit of backstory.

Still, after about 4K comments or so, I posted a small comment about this condition. The response? The called bullshit. Suddenly all of those trolls were medical doctors. Comments ranged from trying to explain POTS to me (poorly), as to say it doesn't cause breathing issues, or people flat out saying I was lying about the condition.

This isn't the first time this has happened.

I have a list of medical diagnoses which numbers slightly less than two dozen. Several of which cause weight gain and other symptoms include exercise intolerance, heat intolerance, chronic pain (my joints don't hurt because I'm fat, the hurt because I'm a chronic illness patient), and so much more.

My point is this: when you're fat, people ignore you when you say you're sick. Unless you have a stereotypical "fattie" illness like heart disease or diabetes, then you're truthful, but deserve your illnesses. You're especially lying if you have thyroid disease or any other illnesses that create symptoms they'd  rather mock someone for. When you're fat, you're only allowed to be sick in the was that are deemed fatty acceptable. If you say you don't have those issues then you're lying. If you say you have other "non fat" issues, then you're lying. Fatphobia is inherently ableist (as well as misognistic which I've discussed before). Remember that when fat people die of heart disease, they died of being fat and the had it coming. When thin people die of heart disease it was a fight, a struggle that they lost, a tragedy.

Where does the thin privilege come in? Easy, if a thin person said they had any of the illnesses I have, they'd be believed, listened to, given sympathy, and get treatment and care by medical professionals. The same people accusing me of lying would be signing petitions for POTS research for thin people.

Thin people who consider themselves allies are in the position where the can use their voices to educate fatphobes- because they'll be listened to. Not always, maybe not even most of the time, but more than us fatties could ever hope to be listened to. Here, it gets iffy though. Because thin people should never speak over fat people, and yet their voices hold more power, more sway. Thin allies have to figure out was to speak for us, without speaking over us, and lifting up the voices of fat people in the process. I know, being an ally isn 't easy. But know what's even harder? Being fat. Add being a disabled woman on top of being fat and it's not an easy life. Just look at all of the health issues that chronic stress can cause- from joint pain to increased risk of heart attack and stroke.

I know this post is long and you maybe didn't want to hear about my chronic illnesses. You wanted some in-your-face truths about fatphobia and thin privilege and ableism. But the truth is that I'm tired. I'm worn out from being attacked ever day and not being able to defend myself and having no one come to my defense.

You, my thin privileged friends, are lacking in your responsibilities. I want to say that I expect more from you, but I don't. I expect to fight this fight either alone or alongside other fatties. But hey, I wouldn't mind being surprised once in a while either.

Here's my point, one type of bigotry almost never shows up to the party by itself. It brings friends. Fatphobia can often intersect with pretty much any other tpe of oppression. Fatphobia is not a single thing, by itself. This is why I feel weird when someone expresses fatphobic ideas and beliefs. I know that is not the only type of bigotry lurking. And fatphobia affects people on both sides of the political spectrum- so if your oh-so-progressive friend with privilege coming out of his ears decides to say something fatphobic, be assured that they are not the feminist the claim to be, they are not intersectional, as they claim to be, etc. And when they talk about intersectional issues, but don't mention fatphobia- be wary, be suspicious. And hey- call them out. That's your job now, okay?

Happy 30's

It's a question that's been buzzing around in my mind for a while now. Am I too old for this? Am I too burnt out? Am I too... something? Maybe something that I can't describe, but something nonetheless? I know a lot of you are pounding fists on the table demanding to see more photos, demanding more meaningful text posts, demanding an update, demanding content- any content!

The content that you demand has been sparse, if non existent these last few months. I've done all of three photoshoots in the entire first half of this year, but I haven't been idle. I've been a busy bee behind the camera. I've had several shoots for The Fat Naked Art Project (on blogger and tumblr) and I'm keeping pretty busy with other types of shoots as well, including launching a new site for boudoir photography. Next website to go up? FNAP needs a print store so that you can hang beautiful naked people in your home.

Still, a question begs to be answered: how much more energy do I want to put into modeling and how long can I feasibly keep it up? I've shot with many local photographers and don't have the resources to travel for modeling. Photographers willing to shoot a model of my size are already around unicorn or dragon status in rarity and I fear I may have exhausted my mythological beings resources. (anyone know a stray fairy perhaps?) On top of simply having fewer resources than I did years ago, I've gained weight (giving me even fewer options than I had 20lbs ago) and I've gotten older.

Not that I don't want to still challenge the fatphobia in modeling, and I'd like to challenge the ageism too, I have to admit, that it's more difficult with compounding factors. I'm not going to stop taking opportunities that come my way! But, as you've seen this year, the shoots themselves will likely slow down. That being said, I will try to pick up on my text posts in a meaningful way.

Feel free to send me topics you'd like me to cover, ask for advice you'd like me to answer (publicly if you'll allow), or suggest content you'd like to see.

Flowers and Pearls

I was completely honored to work with local Burlesque performer Miss Pearl Necklace. Together with photographer Freeman Long we created some beautiful fat positive photos that I absolutely adore!

International Women's Day '16

by Lauren Carney

Today is International Women's Day. The history of the day goes back to 1909. International Women's Day included women from all over the world, as a day to recognize the social, cultural, political and economic accomplishments of women while simultaneously calling for women's full equality and rights.

To me, the original inclusion of so many women in this day means that today is also a day for intersectionality. Because this is a blog about fatness, I feel it's appropriate to talk about women's rights and accomplishments in reference to fat acceptance. The fat acceptance movement is as old as 1967 (likely older). For decades fat acceptance groups were separated and relied on word of mouth to spread information. Today, we have the all powerful internet and fat acceptance ideas have spread all over the world and there are blossoming and well established communities all over. Books on the subject are easily accessible and, with third wave fat acceptance, we see the inclusion of intersectional issues. I think these are huge accomplishments.

I'm speaking from a place of both marginalization and privilege because we all exist somewhere on a spectrum. That being said, I'm going to talk about a commonly discussed issue within the fat acceptance movement: how female read people have less privilege than male read people when it comes to the issue of being fat. Because today is also a call to action for women's rights, I want to remind people that women's rights should include all women, including fat women who are often stripped of their femininity, their sexual being, and their humanity (note: I'm not saying that this only happens to fat women. Again, fat and woman is just one intersection of many, but it's the one I know.)

Fat women hold less privilege that fat men. This isn't to say that fat men don't face fat discrimination because they absolutely do, especially deathfats (because, yes, thin privilege exists on a spectrum too). Fat women are simultaneously oversexualized (read fetishized) by many people and desexualized by many people. The average girl starts her first diet at 8 years old, and fat women are at the biggest risk of eating disorders. It's harder to shop for affordable and fashionable clothing, and we're denied jobs, raises, and promotions more often than fat men. We're even more likely to be found guilty in court cases. Fat women face greater obstacles to access to birth control including abortion and are often forced to attempt weight loss while pregnant (studies show that dieting pregnant mothers lead to fatter babies).

Fat people are oppressed, but fat women face (at least) two forms of oppression that intersect and we absolutely  need fat men to stand up and acknowledge this fact. Women's rights and fat rights are inexorably linked. In fact, I didn't even become educated about feminism until I found fat acceptance. I couldn't help but read feminist theories and ideas when reading about fat acceptance issues.

Thin feminists and even many fat feminists still fail to recognize this and fatphobia is, unfortunately, extremely common in feminist circles. If your feminism isn't for all women, then who is it for? Just yourself? Just those you care about? (this leads to a disturbing question- do you not care about any fat people in your life?). This isn't a question about (or a post about) health because health is irrelevant in how much respect a person deserves. In how much dignity a person deserves. In how many rights a person deserves. This is a question of humanity and when a privileged person decides that a marginalized person is worthy of humanity. Of wholeness as a person.

At what weight do I become undeserving of basic rights and so deserving of scorn and oppression? Which magic number is that on the scale? This is my call to other feminists who are currently not fat inclusive to become so. To be truly intersectional. Fat acceptance is in the spirit of the day and I hope for every step we gain as feminists, we can gain as fat people too.

Shadowbox

Photo by Freeman Long

Photo by Freeman Long

Photo by Freeman Long

Photo by Freeman Long

Photo by Freeman Long

Photo by Freeman Long

Forest Spirit

This is my favorite costume that I've done (though Ursula will always have a special place in my heart). I made the headdress myself. My makeup artist was the very talented Pilin Leonard (pi_cosmo_mua on instagram) and the shoot (theme was Enchanted Nightmare) was organized and set up by Sarah Robertson (sarah_bethxo on instagram). Okay, nothing more really needs to be said about this post- it's a picture post and I had a great experience! Photographers credited under each photo.

photo by ICU Pictures

Photo by Glass Avenue Photography

Photo by Duncan Moody

photo by Avisek Choudhury photography

Photo by Tusharadri Mukherjee

photo by ICU Pictures

photo by CH Photography and Art 

photo by ICU Pictures 

Disability in the New Year

It's a week into the new year. I can't believe it's 2016 already! (wasn't 2000 just, like, a couple years ago? Seriously now.) This year is starting out with an amazing shoot (next week duckies.. just be patient!) and more positivity and energy than I've had in a long time. Although I took a six month break from The Fat Naked Art Project, we've started posting there again as well. It's been one hell of a week.

All that being said, I want to take this opportunity to write about disability and fatness as well as disability and activism.

What spurred this new post? Well, honestly, the amount of money I just had to spend on prescriptions (and I still have a couple more that I need to pick up today).

Most of you know that I have thyroid disease (Hypothyroidism). Some of you know that I have Bipolar Disorder (Type I). I haven't talked about my Migraines, or having POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrom) or even my Chronic Fatigue. I don't talk about the pain that I'm in daily from injuries resulting from being Hypoermobile either. Heck, I don't even really talk about my Acid Reflux or now it's given me Chronic Nausea for so many years that I've forgotten when it started which severely impacted my life. I'm also in recovery (5 years) for Atypical Anorexia.

So I want to take a moment to talk about how those affect me, affect my activism, and affect how people see me in regards to my activism.

Firstly, most of you probably already know about Spoon Theory. For those of you who don't, go ahead and go read up. For a quick TL;DR-  spoons are a metaphor for energy/ability either mental or physical and is typically used by the disabled community. I even made a text based game called Spoons to help my friends and family understand what it's like a little better.

Having disabilities, both mental and physical, makes my job tough to say the least. I'm going to be brutally honest here and I know this will draw a lot of hate from trolls (which I'll talk about a little later). I'm a Stay At Home Mom partially because I have too many disabilities to hold down a traditional job. Even modeling is difficult and I've had to cut back on how many shoots I do. I'm also a photographer, but I can't do that full time either. This puts me at an emotional and financial disadvantage (I'll add that I do have class privilege because of my husband who is able to work). Oftentimes I come up with a money making scheme that involves photography or making things, but, inevitably, I run out of spoons time and time again.

Not only does my Fatigue affect my modeling, but my Bipolar Depression limits how many shoots I can do as well and when I am able to do a shoot, my Chronic Pain (from injuries), limits my movements. In particular, I have Chronic Tendinitis in both shoulders which means I can't fully raise my arms or put my elbows over my head.

There are both mental and physical limitations to what I can do in any given month, week, day, or even hour. By fat, the Chronic Fatigue has been the most limiting. It's hard to explain to people what it feels like to sleep twenty hours a day (and no, you don't wish you could do that), to miss so much of life because you're too exhausted to even eat. (Luckily I start a new stimulant medication for this tomorrow!)

I think though that, by far, the hardest part of being disabled and an activist, is the part where people mock you and dismiss you for your disabilities.

• Why are the fat ones always crazy?
• Right... it's a glandular issue... uh huh... 
• Exercise intolerance? (part of POTS) she's just lazy cause she's fat. 
• She wouldn't be so tired if she just lost weight. 
• no one listen to her... she's bipolar/crazy. 
• An eating disorder? Eating too much isn't an eating disorder fatass. *

*It can be. It's actually called Binge Eating Disorder (BED)

It's difficult having such a huge part of yourself, one that you have no control over, being mocked and shamed. This is ableism. Ableism is the oppression and discrimination of people with disabilities in favor of people who are able bodied (people with no disabilities.) 

Having your work and your beliefs and ideas dismissed because of illness is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of how the disabled are treated. Ableism intersections with just about everything, including Classism for those with disabilities who cannot earn a living. We also face higher incidences of domestic violence and violence in general ad have a higher mortality risk due to ineffective or insufficient care as well as just by virtue of being oppressed. Being fat and disabled almost ensures medical neglect and social stigma. Sometimes I worry about how shortened my life will be, not because of my lifestyle or my weight, but because of how others treat me, including medical personnel. 

The trolls/abusers of the world will always always use your disabilities to their advantage, as I've found out personally when I came out as bipolar as well as anorexic. Trolls, like all abusers, will use anything and everything they can to break you, including gas lighting, insults and belittling you, threats of physical violence, and more. 

The key, for me, has always been fat acceptance which has enabled me to learn to stand up for myself, to have confidence, and to love myself regardless of what other people say, do, or think.

So, while 2016 has, so far, been an exceptional year for me, I, like many others with disabilities, will face many obstacles throughout the year(s), but I will always turn to my fat acceptance community to keep me strong, mentally and physically. 

Happy 2K16!

It's the first day of 2k16. Last year was one hell of a ride, but, like many others, I'm glad it's finally over so that I can start another great year. I'm not a huge believer in ra-ra-new-beginnings type stuff. Maybe it's because I've never been able to really let go of things that happened in the past. I have a big mixed bag of bad and good and traumatic in my past and I know that it makes me who I am. I never want to apologize for that because I like who I am, even as I'm constantly trying to become a better person.








All that being said, I'm excited for 2016. I've made some resolutions and I'm feeling optimistic (so far) about all of the great things to come this year. I'm focusing less on the photo posts and more on the text content of this blog. Partly because it's getting harder to find shoots to be a part of and I'm making peace with that, and partly because I want people to care about what I have to say in addition to looking at my pictures.









I think this year is going to be filled with body positivity (even working through all of the nasty fatphobia in the media and society in general). If you haven't checked it out yet, The Fat Naked Art Project is back from a six month break and posting for New Year's. I want to wish you all a wonderful year full of body acceptance, rolls, cellulite, double chins and loving every inch of yourselves. I hope that, in the darker moments, you can turn to me and other fat activists to help you through.

Resolutions

In the past, I've made it clear that New Year's Resolutions not only don't work, but are often toxic. Weight loss resolutions are the number one resolutions every January and we all know how toxic those are already. This year, however, I'm going to amend my statement and say that Resolutions can be healthy and good for you- if you resolve to not obsess over your resolutions and you keep your resolutions away from being self critical. Obviously stay away from weight loss resolutions- this fat girl is never going to diet again! But here are my top resolutions for the coming year.

     1) Focus on my health. This doesn't mean that I'm necessarily going to change how I eat or even exercise, though those are on my list. But it also means that I'm going to resolve to find a way to start seeing my therapist again, to make all of my doctor's appointments, to take my medication as I'm supposed to, to be mindful and focus on my mental health, and to work on my PTSD.

     2) Do more things that I enjoy. This includes writing more on this blog, editing the book that I finished for NaNoWriMo 2015, crafting, gardening, yoga, bellydance, baking, hiking, sitting by the fire pit with a bottle of wine and the people I love, and more.

     3) Focus on not allowing things to interfere with projects. This is mostly in reference to photography and modeling projects that I'm looking forward to. Unfortunately, depression can steal the love of everything from you and make you completely unmotivated. In 2015 I've let that stop me from photographing or being photographed. Specifically I took a six month break from The Fat Naked Art Project . I'll start posting to it again on New Year's Eve and resolve to post every week and schedule new shoots throughout the year.

     4) Make more time for friends, family, and partners. This one is pretty self explanatory. I resolve to spend time with my loved ones, take road trips to see friends, cuddle with my son, go on dates that I enjoy, and generally make sure that I am present in the lives of the people I love.

     5) Stop being so hard on myself,  This one is the hardest and the most important because it includes resolving to not care so much about my resolutions. If I slip up and don't take my meds for a week, if I need to take another break from projects, if I'm a little too hard on myself... that's okay! I'm not perfect, I will never be perfect, and it's okay to mess up, to be selfish, to drop projects. It's okay to just let life happen. I think this resolution is essential to making resolutions healthy and workable.

Those are my resolutions. If you're planning on making resolutions, do so remembering that you may not follow through and there's nothing wrong with that. I'd love to hear all of your resolutions or even that you aren't making any! Regardless, I hope that you all have a wonderful New Year's Eve and Day and a great 2016 full of body love and positivity.

Sequins and Bellies

By Derek Palmer

This photoshoot was a lot of fun, but also an exercise in asserting my own self worth and desirability. This was a group shoot which means there were many models and many photographers. As usual, it was a struggle as all of the other models were not only very very thin, but very young as well. This photoshoot had a theme of metallics so I wore my sequined skirt by ASOS and I felt amazing... that is, until I was wandering around watching the photographers fawn over every other model. 

It's an inevitability of being a plus size model and a plus size woman in a thin obsessed world. No one wants to pay me much attention. 

Despite that, i got some great photos that I absolutely love from Derek Palmer and Rob Miracle (special thanks to Constance Medrano for makeup and Sarah Robertson as event organizer). I especially love the photos by Derek Palmer who wasn't afraid to photograph me and my belly in all of our spectacular glory. 

 By Rob Miracle 

A lot of photographers who did end up shooting me shied away from anything below my ribs, but Derek not only shot me, full body, but decided to keep those photos while editing. I'll admit that, when I first saw the last photo in this set (see below) that I was a little taken aback and felt badly about myself for about two seconds. 

I'm happy to say though, that I soon decided I was absolutely thrilled with the photos and posted them in every fat loving group I could think of. 

By Rob Miracle

Fat Acceptance makes me feel like I'm a part of a community (with the exception of the occasional vegan hating... if you're fat and vegan I suggest joining HAES Vegans on facebook). I"m so glad and proud to be entering 2016 with five years of fat acceptance experience and I'm so grateful to all of the people who love and support me. 

By Derek Palmer

I hope you enjoy these photos, especially the belly photos. Rocking the VBO and loving all of you. 

This is my last set of the year, so much love to everyone at the end of 2015 and I'm hoping that 2016 brings you wonderful times, good food, and lots and lots of body love. 

Tis The Season - 10 Ways I Cope With Holiday Body Stress

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love the holidays. Any holidays. Nope, it doesn't matter which
one. (unless it's Thanksgiving which I skip altogether). I Halloween was a blast, I made spider web hummus and ate mummy dogs and made a blood brew that everyone loved. We had a spider toss game and a spooky story board. It was great and everyone had fun. This Christmas I put up a tree as soon as I was able (which would have been around November 15th). We went to a tree farm, cut the tree down ourselves and dragged it back to the car. I put up lights outside and decorated the mantel so early that I could practically see my neighbors roll their eyes (those Grinches don't decorate at all, to be fair).

I LOVE Christmas, if that isn't obvious yet. I have a jack in the box and a nutcracker and a large Santa by my fireplace. The stockings are stuffed, the presents are wrapped, and I even did some gift exchanges with some people already and I think I may have squealed in delight once or twice.

So why is Christmas always tough to get through? Perhaps it's the onslaught of fatphobic messages that we get from everywhere. Not just social messages from media, but the yearly tradition of hiding, blocking, and unfriending people on Facebook who have decided to try, yet again, a brand new weight loss "journey". (Back in my ED days I was guilty of using this phrase myself.. ugh).

Every magazine you say is advising you on how to either keep off or drop those "holiday pounds", gyms are revving up for their new year's specials, and the diet industry is rubbing it's hands together greedily, awaiting all of our dollars. (Not my dollar!).

The messages from friends and family aren't always intentional, but they're there too. Even if it's just a personal attempt at weight loss, it's a toxic culture of bonding over disordered eating and trying to adhere to social beauty standards that do nothing but kill us slowly.

It's hard enough during this time of year to be a healthy person with healthy eating habits and a healthy mindset. All of the rubbish can still get to you! Throw in a chronic illness and/or a history with an eating disorder/disordered eating and you have a whole new mess on your hands.

So, here's a few things that I do around the holidays to keep my sanity (I am not using the word sanity lightly. I have bipolar disorder and my mental health is very important to me).

   1. Turn off the TV, fast forward through commercials, watch Netflix (commercial free!) or, if all else fails, keep something by you to keep yourself occupied during weight loss commercials. You can browse twitter on your phone, practice your knew knitting technique, or talk to your family. You can even talk about the current commercial and why it's so toxic.

   2. Let friends and family know ahead of time that you won't be tolerating any diet talk, self degradation, or nasty comments about your weight this year. You can post this as a note on your twitter, instagram, tumblr, or facebook if you're less direct, like I am, because of anxiety or whatever other reason, you can write them a letter, or you can have talks with people who will be problematic one on one. Frame it as a way to look after your own health.

   3. Vent to people who understand. Whether that's facebook groups (like Fat Acceptance Cloud), fat positive friends or family, or hey, feel free to send me an email! (fatgirlposing@yahoo.com). Relieving some of the feelings and anger and hurt that you're having can really help.

   4 .Get yourself something for Christmas that helps you with self care. I bought myself a fat painting by artist Toni Tails. I also like to draw and paint myself so some fat posi art to give away as gifts is great therapy! You can also get yourself bath bombs, makeup, new clothes, jewelry, face scrubs, or anything else that makes you feel like you're being pampered and taken care of.

   5. Stand up for yourself and others. Activism really helps me remember who I'm fighting for. So far this month I've done a shoot for The Fat Naked Art Project (of which I'm the photographer for). Just editing the photos has made me extremely happy.

   6. Have a date night. Whether it's with yourself or with a significant other(s), make sure you know that you're cared for and that someone thinks you're wonderful and beautiful.

   7. Read Feminist and Fat Acceptance articles online- hey.. like this one! Dances With Fat also comes out with some amazing yearly holiday pieces!

   8. Eat good food with people you love. This so often helps us remember that eating is indeed for nourishment, but also for joy. I'll be having a vegan holiday feast this year!

   9. Be mindful. Live in the moment. Notice what's around you at this very moment. For me, that's a corgi sleeping at the other end of the couch, a beagle sniffing at the door, twinkling lights on my Christmas tree, an itch on my belly that I'm resisting scratching because I'm too busy typing, and the sound of the heat blowing through the vents. Notice the little things and try to find the beauty in that.

   10. Finally- Realize that it's okay to feel bad sometimes. We all have days when we don't feel our best, we let the haters get to us or we let ourselves get to us. That's OKAY and it's perfectly normal. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and recoup so that you can come back twice as strong.

Those are just a few of the things that I do in order to try and make myself feel good during the holidays, but they're good to keep in mind all year round!

When Prejudice Informs Preferences

People like to think they’re the masters of their own souls. That their thoughts and opinions are theirs alone and that they’re basically good people. They don’t like to admit, and sometimes outright refuse to admit, that social conditioning that inform their opinions and even sexual preferences.

The wheels started turning when a friend posted an article about racism and preferences in sexual partners and skin color. Unfortunately a lot of people came out saying that they just preferred white people to date. It had nothing to do with prejudice, it was just an honest to goodness preference.

Unfortunately, preferences don’t exist in a vacuum. We grow up in a society, in a world, that hails light skin as a marker for beauty while dark skin is demonized as ugly with a lot of nasty stereotypes behind it.

My experience as a fat woman is that people often have preferences for thinness, even people in the fat acceptance community or allies. I’m here today to tell you that those preferences are not innate. There isn’t a shred of evidence to suggest we are born with certain preferences in appearance when it comes to sexuality. Obviously this doesn’t include sexual orientation but, i’m sorry, thinsexuality is not a real thing. If you’re only attracted to thin people, men, women, or anyone else, then it’s a product of how you’ve been conditioned. Yes, you’ve basically been brain washed.

I’ll tell you a little secret. I used to not like thin women. I don’t mean that I hated them for being thin, I mean that I wasn’t attracted to them sexually. I had no preference for the types of men that I dated- thin, fat, or in between- but I only dated other fat women. I told myself it was just a preference and one that I couldn’t do anything about.

I was wrong.

After some introspection, I found that sex with thin women made me uneasy because it made me self conscious. I was sure they would be judging me and comparing my body to theirs, as I was comparing mine to theirs. After working on my own self esteem and challenging my own ideas of attraction I’ve found that I can very much be attracted to thin women.

Yes, you can make yourself be attracted to body types that you weren’t previously attracted to. I don’t mean by sheer force of will, I simply mean by challenging your own deeply held prejudices, you can begin to strip them away and a whole new world of possibilities will be opened up to you.

Thinness isn’t achievable for many people and, in our current global climate, more and more people are chubby to fat. Let’s face it, you’d better start being attracted to fat people because your options are running out. In that same vein, the reason why thinness is so idealized is because it’s so difficult to attain. I know it’s an old trope, but in a time when most people were starving to death, plumpness was a marker for beauty. When everyone was wearing bell bottomed pants, suddenly skinny jeans became the new trend. Pin straight flat hair in the 70’s? Giant teased and permed tresses in the 80’s. We have a habit of wanting and doing the opposite of what’s available. It’s why we’re willing to pay so much for rare jewels and precious metals.

The bottom line is that, while it may not be your fault that your preferences are informed by your prejudices, it’s your responsibility to overcome them. Not being attracted to fat people is fatphobic, whether that’s your fault or society’s. It’s time to look inside of yourself and question where your attractions really come from, why, and to change them.

Broken Toys

I want to say a special thank you to Sarah Robertson who not only organized this shoot, but organizes shoots that are unique and fun regularly. She also models and is an amazing friend. I also want to say thanks to Constance Medrano who was my makeup artist for this shoot. Photographers are credited under each photo.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Photo by Lois Davis 

Photo by Rob Miracle

Photo by Lois Davis 

Photo by Cawanau Keeling

Photo by Rob Miracle

Bi and Fat- Oversexualization and Desexualization equals objectification

Last week was Bi-Visibility week and Weight Stigma Awareness week. It seems like the perfect time to post my talk from last year's Fat Activism Conference on the intersection of fat and queer issues- specifically fat and bi issues. This is a rather lengthy post. My time for the conference was about 12 minutes and I took up every minute of it for this important issues.

My topic today is rather specific. I want to address the oversexualization of bisexual and fat women combined with the desexualization of fat women and how this creates a perfect storm for objectification and how that objectification affects fat bisexual women. I’ve chosen to specifically speak about this issue because, as a fat bisexual woman myself, I feel like I can speak to my own experiences.

First of all I want to throw out a trigger warning for those who need it because I’m talking to be talking a little bit about rape culture and statistics as it pertains to the objectification of women and bisexual women in particular.

I want to talk about this trend that I see where there is this mash up of oversexualization and desexualization. Oversexualization can apply to a lot of people but right now I’m going to talk about the topic as it pertains to bisexual women. As a bisexual woman I get to hear a lot of the stereotypes and then some. Bisexuals are sluts, they cheat, they’re dirty, they carry STD’s, they’ll sleep with anyone, they’re always up for a threesome. While there’s a hearty dose of slut shaming in biphobia I want to focus particularly on the stereotypes that bisexuals have a lot of sex and that that sex is somehow what defines them.

If you’ll notice, most stereotypes about bisexuals involve sex. While monosexuals have alternative names for their sexuality (gay, lesbian, straight) bisexuals are stuck with “sex” in the title. This may be both caused by and contribute to the problematic ways bi people are viewed.

Bisexuals are rarely seen as people and often seen as oversexed and always willing. It is, perhaps, for this reason that bisexual women face rape more often than monosexual women. In fact, they’re about three times more likely to experience it. According to the CDC, 61% of bisexual women have been raped, stalked, or assaulted by an intimate partner compared to 41% of lesbian women and 35% of straight women. The segment of these women facing rape is even scarier. 13% of lesbians, 17% of straight women, and a whopping 46% of bisexual women have experienced rape.

So imagine what that means for bisexual women. Imagine how terrifying that is. Women in general have to constantly be on their guard even in the midst of friends. Remember that most rapes are perpetrated by someone known to the victim. So 46%, almost half, that’s a big number, that’s a scary number. It means never being sure if you’re safe.

It’s pretty obvious that oversexualization leads to objectification. Objectification is the point at which a living being becomes an object, a commodity.In media we often see women literally turned into objects. One recent example is a coca cola bottle with a human-eque shape and a fat belly used to talk about the “obesity epidemic”. This is a clear example of the objectification of fat people, but let’s get back to women in general for a moment.  A study by Princeton psychologists showed that some men (specifically  men that they identified as sexist) had less brain activity in the medial prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that helps identify humanity, when shown photos of scantily clad women, indicating that they were not seen as human, but rather as objects. This means that men who show other signs of sexism, that is, a prejudice against women, are more likely to see women like they’re less than human. And  it’s so much easier to commit violence against someone that you barely see as human.

Objectification is possibly the only logical outcome to oversexualiztion.

To oversexualize simply means to make a person’s core being into a sexual one. To define them by their sexuality and their use for sex while denying them their own agency or being in control of their own sexual being. I deal with this fairly often as I run an art project called The Fat Naked Art Project. Fat naked bodies which are meant neither to be sexualized nor objectified, but this is often the case. Inappropriate comments have needed to be moderated time and time again. My fat models, very specifically the women, are seen as nothing more than sexual objects, specifically fat objects. Their entire identity and being often reduced to the type of belly they have or the size of their thighs.

So then, I’ll beg the question, why are fat women so oversexualized? One reason may be that fat women often have larger breasts, which are downright fetishized in our culture. But another reason may be that fat women are othered, made to feel different, to exist in a separate societal box. This makes them into a forbidden fruit dangling just out of reach. Fat women have their own set of sexual stereotypes as well. They’re always easy, they’re desperate, they’ll sleep with anyone who pays attention to them. These stereotypes that over sexualize fat women also lead to  many people seeing them as objects which leads us back to rape culture.

Several months ago I wrote a post on my blog about fat girls and rape culture which was inspired by a cafepress T-shirt which read “fat girls can’t say no and when they do it means yes”. Fat girls and women who are sexually assaulted are often told a myriad of horrible things to try and delegitimize their experiences. “You should be grateful” is the one I hear most often. Yes, grateful, because who would want to touch a fat chick?

And here we come to the desexualization of fat women. Isn’t it interesting that we can be both hypersexualized and desexualized at the same time? Our sexuality is often denied to us. In the movie, The Lorax, the fat aunt of the main character is being rather mean and the lorax himself threatens to hit her. Our main character steps in, asking, “you wouldn’t hit a woman would you?” to which the lorax replies  “that’s a woman?!”. It’s all for good laughs, right? Fat women are rarely allowed to be sexual beings in the media and when they are it’s as a twist, a surprise, or a joke.

I’m a huge doctor who fan. Even with all of it’s problems I can’t stop watching it. But I couldn’t help but notice that Donna, the one character who is, although not fat, a little thicker, the only companion who is never ever shown as a sexual being. In fact, her lack of sexuality is joked about in “The Doctor’s Daughter” episode where she offers to use her “womanly wiles” to get past some guards. The butt of the joke yet again. When Rebel Wilson becomes sexual in Bridesmaids it is a garish display that involves, you guessed it, food. Her sexuality is meant to be laughed at in that way that she’s not really sexual at all.

Both oversexualization and desexualization share a common aspect in the removal of our agency. While men, straight women, and lesbians often take control of and ownership of their sexualities, both oversexualization and desexualization involve having those decisions taken away. Women are oversexualized through the assumptions and assertions that they want any sex with any person, and do not need to consent to that. These women are given a default of “yes”. Women are desexualized when the agency over sex is taken away from them and given to someone else. Sex is not something fat women are seen as having a choice in, but something the generous will gift upon them and they can only respond by being grateful.

It’s interesting to note that fat people are often hypervisible while being completely invisible at the same time. By Hypervisible I mean that fat is on everyone’s lips, we’re in the news, all over the media, even on the radio and ads and billboards, but we’re talked about as dehumanized objects. The classic headless fatty is a good example. We’re invisible in the sense that we’re rarely seen as human and, indeed, our humanity flies under the radar.

In a very similar way bisexual women are hypervisible, in that women are almost expected to be bisexual, to experiment, to have a more fluid sexuality, but we’re sexualized to the point of dehumanization. Actual bisexual issues including biphobia and discrimination are overlooked, made invisible. While bisexual women are oversexualized and not desexualized it’s a problem in and of itself that bisexual women are seen as being constant sexual beings and sexual objects.

Living as a fat bisexual woman means being oversexualized and desexualized in various ways. Specifically I believe that the combination of oversexualization and desexualization inherently lead to objectification because it dehumanizes it’s target.

What does this dehumanization and objectification mean for every day fat bisexual women though? What it means is constant stigmatization, discrimination, oppression, and violence. We’re objects that aren’t important enough to treat with respect or equality. It can very often mean violence (from verbal to physical) from partners who have something to prove, it can mean being othered, , it can mean rape culture is a daily reality for you, it can mean being bullied and abused and it can mean a constant state of anxiety in a culture that refuses to recognize your basic humanity.

Being fat is it’s own challenge, but being fat and queer is it’s own experience. While being queer isn’t usually outwardly visible and being fat is, they can carry different consequences that, when combined, can become overwhelming. As a bisexual you can become automatically closeted because people assume your sexuality based on your current relationship. As a fat woman your sexuality can be automatically invalidated. And as a fat bisexual woman you can be fetishized and dehumanized.

I believe the solution to these issues is the destigmatization of both fat bodies and queer identities. Though the oppression of both of these groups is deeply ingrained in our society, it’s not a lost cause. As queer rights and fat rights pick up steam via social media, literature, protests, and demonstrations, we also pick up more supporters. While I fear that internalized fatphobia and biphobia may be a large hurdle, I have seen this overcome in so many people through my activism and the activism of others that it gives me great hope. I’m so inspired by many other activists and I see the progress we’ve made even since I found fat acceptance in 2010. While it almost seems like the “war on obesity” efforts have doubled, fat acceptance is spreading quickly.

Perhaps the key to destigmatization is not only getting others to accept us, but to get people to accept themselves. In a society where we often deal with internalized bigotry, self acceptance is a core part of our activism and goals. When you convince one person to change their bigotry and lack of acceptance for others, you make a small but meaningful impact towards the change we need to see.