Thursday, May 22, 2014

Casualties

My heart is heavy today and has been since Saturday when my best friend dropped the bomb that she's getting weight loss surgery. The betrayal, hurt, and anger that I've felt since then is mind boggling. Since becoming involved with fat acceptance I've cut body negative people out of my life. I've surrounded myself with people who are positive and work hard for a wide variety of human and animal rights issues. In other words, good people. Positive people. People who make a difference in the world. So my world was rocked when my best friend, after hiding it from me for months, told me that she was getting cosmetic surgery to become thinner.

My  friend is the captain of her own underpants and she can get cosmetic surgery if she wants to, of course, but I'm captain of my own underpants as well and I have the right to cut out people who compromise my mental or physical well being. Having gone through a decade long eating disorder where I was constantly praised for starving myself, over exercising, and abusing diet pills, I can't watch someone I care about put themselves through a medically induced eating disorder.

I look forward to the day when weight loss surgery is banned as medically unnecessary, dangerous, and bigoted. Weight loss cosmetic surgery represents the extremes that our society will go to to eradicate fat people. For all of the horror that a person feels when they see a very thin person with an ED, it doesn't seem to hold true for fat people with ED's. While I have a lot of personal experience with that, this experience seems to hit closer to home Perhaps because my friend was involved in the fat acceptance community. I thought better of her. Not brainwashed by society's standards.

Internalized fatphobia is a horrible thing.

The bottom line is that we applaud fat people for doing dangerous, irresponsible, unethical, things that put our lives on the line in the name of thinness. But how would the world react if the opposite were true? If thin people literally risked their lives to become fat because they thought it looked prettier? I have a feeling I know the answer.

So, I suppose I've finally experienced a personal casualty in the War On Fat. During my own struggles I came close to losing my life, but this somehow feels so much worse.

9 comments:

  1. Come on, stop these negative comments and stop judging! This is so horrible, so typical for narrow minded people. You are all not able to think beyond your very own borders. She has a right to feel like that and it does not matter if she is right or wrong as there are no right or wrongs in this case. It is toattly wrong to obey to the silly idea that being fat is unhealthy and that a surgery is a good idea and a first important step on the way to become thin. It is only a very last resort and it is dangerous! And, even more, you can gain all the weight again, no matter what! Get yourself properly informed and stop hating!

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  2. don't worry everyone. the fatphobic comments, as always, will be deleted and order restored. I don't tolerate body hate. not from anyone and especially not from strangers on the internet.

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  3. geeze, the fatphobic bigots are out in droves today, aren't they? good thing i don't have to actually read their drivel to spot them.

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  4. Everyone has there own opinions cant we all agree to disagree?

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    1. thing is Monica, no one's saying you have to agree with me. And it's every bit my right to not agree with the body haters/pro weight loss people. this is MY blog where MY opinion rules. and the fact that I've been getting trolls all day and that I've been recieving threats in my email as well as being called every sexist slur you can think of along with the usual fatphobic ones says something about the commenters who have been posting. Yes, everyone has their own opinions.. i just don't allow body hating ones on my blog and that's every bit my right. Just like when I blog about feminism i don't allow misogynistic comments. or homophobic/biphobic/transphobic comments when I blog about lgbt issues. it's MY right to have a safe space.

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  5. Although I'm not fat, I really like fat acceptance blogs and especially yours. I've seen my friends struggling with eating disorders and jeopardizing their lives every day to be thinner, thinner, thinner. I think I understand your feeling of betrayal and the fact that your friend's decision is triggering to you. But as you say, it's her body. Some people get boob surgery or nose jobs...And I don't think it will change the person she is, so if she's your friend, maybe she can still remain so. Of course, I understand that part of what constituted your relationship was fat pride and acceptance. But I'm sure she's still got many other qualities.

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    1. she has good qualities like any person.. but none i'm willing to compromise my own well being for. no one's worth sacrificing your own happiness and well being for.

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  6. I have sometimes had to cut people out of my life. Sometimes, my feelings about the situation have changed and they're back in my life, sometimes not. Only time will tell whether your friend will be someone you allow back in. Either way, you have absolutely got a right to protect yourself against situations which stir up intensely negative feelings.

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