A Special Note on The Definition of Pride

"Fat pride? Fat people have nothing to be proud about! They didn't accomplish anything by being fat!"

The first time I heard this phrase the word "black" was used instead of fat. The second time? It was "gay". Sadly, the first time I was still in high school and I nodded in agreement, in my head trying to figure out why "black pride" was okay but "white pride" was racist. Thankfully, I managed to shake off that particular idea many many years ago as I became an adult and began recognizing that we did not, in fact, live in a post racial society as so many white kids and teens are taught. The first time I had to defend any sort of pride was in reference to gay pride. This was the point at which I realized that we were using two different definitions of pride.

See, words have a lot of meanings. It starts with one or two and picks up more over time.

Pride: pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself: civic pride. 

a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed inbearing, conduct, etc. 

Proud: having or showing self-respect or self-esteem.

*(I nixed the repetitive definitions). 

So the people who seem to have a problem with "pride" movements focus on the definitions that reflect accomplishment, doing, something. Like being proud of a job well done, or being proud of building something, or being proud of a practiced skill. But pride movements have more to do with the last definition- having or showing self respect or self esteem. See, we're not proud of being fat. They're right, most of us didn't actively put effort towards becoming this way. It's pride in yourself for daring to be okay with who you are when the rest of society tells you that there's something wrong with you.

But it's more than that. Because there's pride for accepting yourself and then there's the pride that you feel when you actively stand up for yourself and others who are oppressed, subjugated, stigmatized, and hated. You're proud, not of being fat on it's own, but of having the courage to not care, the courage to face a world every day that does it's best to beat you down. Pride for making positive changes in yourself, your loved ones, your community, and society. When even showing your face in public is an act of rebellion, when being happy as a fat person is a political statement, when just living your life happily in your own body is against everything that the bigots want you to do, then that? That's something to be proud of.

So no, fat pride isn't about having pride just for being fat, it's about fighting an oppressive culture through every tiny act of self acceptance.

Summer Bikini Body

As summer approached I saw fat acceptance bloggers begin to write about beach bodies. In short- there's no such thing. Or rather, to clarify, every body is a beach body. My own friends began talking about losing weight in those precious few pre summer weeks in order to be deemed worthy enough to show their faces in a bathing suit. Bikini bodies were even more elusive. A special super class of bodies that are only available to an elite few. If you do not posses one of these super bodies then you had better not have the audacity to show up in anything less than a tankini. And the better your body, the skimpier the bikinis get.

While searching for some more posts about fat acceptance and swimsuits I came across several sites that had tips on how to not look fat in a bikini (yeah, I don't think I'm avoiding that one- nor should I want to) which dictated everything from style of swimsuit to what colors you can wear based on your skin color (apparently I can't wear anything other than brown until I get a tan that's dark enough to allow me to wear colors). Now, I bought black because it's all I could find on short notice, but if I want to wear jewel tones I damn well will.

Personally I've always liked bikinis. I found one piece suits or full coverage two piece suits to be uncomfortable. Even during my days of  disordered eating full of diets and dreams of being a thinner me I never imagined I'd be able to wear a bikini. Until last summer I wouldn't even wear a bathing suit. I wore long pants in the summer and just didn't go swimming even though I love the water. Last year's swim suit was one of necessity and was an ill fitting and awful looking tankini that was slightly too big. This year my bathing suit fits much better and the freedom that I felt when I took my new bikini to the beach was amazing.

I'll admit- it's a struggle. I still find myself comparing my own bikini body to other fat bikini bodies (in that I often feel that it looks great on them but not my body). We all have a few periods of relapse though right? And despite that, I still managed to stay out long enough to get a sunburn (despite putting sun block on three times!). So enjoy these photos by Digitime Photography who was wonderful to work with. (Bottoms were from target and top was from herroom.com)