Makeup Free Mondays- September

I missed a week so there are only three photos, but as I promised, all makeup free. Because you don't need makeup to be beautiful despite what society may tell you. Plenty of people think I'm ugly (trust me, I get the emails telling me so!), but I don't care. Because it's not my job to beautify the world, it's my job to change it. Happy Autumn everyone!

Weight Stigma Awareness Week

BEDA's take action for Tuesday: Express

We just saw the end to suicide prevention awareness week just as we're coming up on the first annual weight stigma awareness week. According to BEDA, the binge eating disorder association, " BEDA’s goal is to bring awareness to a common and entrenched social injustice that often results in serious physical and mental health consequences for those affected". Consequences indeed. I feel the need to point out that suicide and attempted suicide are common results of those consequences BEDA is talking about. 

Perhaps it's no coincidence that the two awareness weeks are almost back to back. Considering that teens who even think they're fat are more likely to attempt suicide and, let's face it, the fat  hate starts early  and children as young as three years old show weight bias against heavier people, attributing things such as being ugly, lazy, and stupid. By three years old, people. That's some seriously early weight hate indoctrination. One study shows that children 5-11 prefer underweight friends and react more positively to underweight stimuli than overweight stimuli (which they, of course, reacted negatively to).

So what's the purpose of weight stigma awareness week? It's just what it sounds like- to shed light on the constant discrimination and stigma that is associated with weight. Fat people get the majority of the load, but thin people aren't without their burdens and stigmas as well. Assuming a thin person doesn't eat does just as much harm to the fat liberation movement as assuming fat people eat too much- it's all playing back into the idea that weight is a choice and you have to choose to be one specific size and shape. We have a long way to go on the road to destigmatizing weight and especially fatness, but that's part of what this week is about. Banding together as a community, getting the word out, and making a change. 

Cupcake Baby

I had such a great time with Travis McKeithan and loved so many photos that it was extremely difficult narrowing down my favorite ten. It was my first time at Umstead Park in Raleigh and my poor feet came away with blisters (but the shoes were adorable.. who could blame me?). Really though, Travis was a pleasure to work with and I hope to work with him again in the future. Enjoy!

Suicide Prevention Awareness Week

We just saw the end of Suicide Prevention Awareness week yesterday. I put off writing because I didn't know what to write. Most of you have read my personal struggles with suicide and you know that fat acceptance and body acceptance have been a miracle balm. What I've decided to write about is the "it's not my fault" mentality. For years I hung around suicide forums in hopes that I could help people either struggling with suicidal ideation or someone who had lost or was in danger of losing a loved one to suicide. What I saw over and over were people who bullied, abused, and neglected loved ones who wanted reassurance that the resulting suicide wasn't their fault. And people gave it to them. A common thread is to say that nothing could have stopped them.

I don't know who started this line of BS but I want to set things straight. You can help prevent suicide. No, you can't prevent every case, but people who are suicidal aren't lost causes. They just want the pain to stop and, believe me, the amount of pain they're in is tremendous. More so, if you bully, abuse, or neglect a person who's suicidal then you are part of that person's pain and you are contributing, directly or indirectly, to their suicide. I'm sorry, but this "it's not my fault" stuff is fluff that people tell you to make you feel better. It's not truth.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline says " No matter who you are, you can help prevent suicide". This is the real truth. 

Tips on preventing suicide:

If you are suicidal:

• Talk to someone. It doesn't matter if it's a school counselor, a therapist, a parent, a best friend, or the suicide hotline. Talking can help you to calm down and perhaps find long term help.
• Take it one day at a time. You want to kill yourself today? Wait until tomorrow. Then wait another day. Then another. Every day is a battle and an achievement. 
• Keep a journal or diary
• Be around other people. Being alone only increases feelings of isolation and the feelings that no one would care. When you're around others you not only keep yourself busy, but you see how much your friends love you. 
• seek out support groups and other resources on suicide prevention such as reddit.com/r/suicidewatch or http://www.dailystrength.org. 
• visit http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ where you can call or chat with someone if you're in crisis. 

Personal tricks I've learned to help myself stay in a stable mood:

• open all of the curtains and, when the weather allows, the windows
• look up when you walk, not down
• spend time in nature
• exercise regularly and eat healthfully
• If low self esteem at all revolves around your looks, seek out fat and body acceptance resources. 

If a loved one is suicidal:

• Never dismiss or invalidate their feelings. They're feeling like this for a reason.
• Take this very very seriously. 
• Encourage them to seek help such as a therapist or school counselor. If you are a parent then it is your responsibility to make an appointment as soon as possible. 
• Talk to them and really listen 
• Remind them how much you love them
• If you've been part of the problem or you have influence over someone who has been stop immediately. Whether it's bullying, teasing, verbal nit picking- whatever. If you're a parent and a sibling of your child is bullying them, intervene immediately. Perhaps get the bully into therapy as well. 
• Visit http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm 

Suicide can be prevented. Remember the old Smokey the Bear saying, "only you can prevent forest fires"? Only you can help prevent suicide. It's important to remember that suicidal people don't want to die, they want the pain to stop, therefore you have every opportunity to intervene and let them know that their pain isn't permanent and it can be helped. More so, I can't stress enough that the bullies and abusers (same thing really) of the world are responsible for the self harming actions of their victims whether it be self injury, attempted or completed suicide, or their mental well being. Don't say "it's not my fault", ask "what can I do to help?". 

Summer Days and Bikinis

Here in NC, Summer isn't over yet. We still have plenty of warm days ahead of us full of tank tops and shorts and, yes, fatkinis. Bikini photos are hard for me, almost as hard as the nude photos that I've done since a bikini leaves very little to the imagination anyway. Most of my shoots focus on my face, my makeup, my costume, but I feel like bikini shoots take that focus and expressly put it square onto my stomach.

My stomach has always caused me problems even from the times when it barely existed. At 17 I wore a size 15/16 with barely a belly bulge at all and yet I cried before prom because I thought I was too fat to go because of my stomach.

I could spend all day wishing my shape was different. That my weight was proportioned into an hourglass figure or that my belly was round instead of rolly. I can and have spent years of my life on diet and exercise plans trying to change that belly, spent hours in front of mirrors lifting it and pulling it this way and that thinking "if only...". I tell you this because despite these issues I've had and still have with  my stomach, I post these photos for you so that you know it's okay. No matter what size or shape you are, it's all going to be alright. In a fatkini or a one piece, your body is beautiful and magnificent and so amazing it's beyond words. And I'm still trying to work on it, but so is mine.

Photos by MM Photography

Makeup Free monday: August

Makeup free Monday self portraits for the month of August, showing you all that you're beautiful without any "help" at all!

8-6-12

8-13-12 making my best fishy face

8-20-12

8-27-12 Oreo face

Senior style portraits

It's been a while since I was a senior in high school.. a long while. But nostalgic memories return with this set from James Roddick Photography which has a distinctly senior portrait look. Just think about all that's changed in the past decade- or however long it's been for you since those days. For me, I only wish I'd found fat acceptance sooner before I'd put my body through a decade long eating disorder, before I'd tortured and scarred my body because of self hatred. Fat acceptance has been the best thing in my life and has done the most to heal me. Tell me, what's changed most for you? Anyway, here are the photos- enjoy!