American Gothic; The Bad Part of Town

I had a wonderful and exciting shoot with Bryan Regan Photography today. We visited a neighborhood in Raleigh with lots of rundown and abandoned, boarded up buildings. We didn't visit all of them, but we found some colorful spots for photos. He wanted to shoot in an American Gothic type style. Bryan enjoys capturing real people in real locations. Not that fashion models are fake or the locations are fake (okay, sometimes they are), but what I think he meant was something more raw. Anyway, I love the locations we found and I hope you enjoy our handiwork.

And one more- A kind of behind the scenes photo in which I'm scrunching my face because the sun was in my eyes.

Take a Moment

To roll in the clover and smell the flowers! Happy Earth Day everyone!

Bonus Image- beautiful weeds :)

Happy Earth Day

Just a little re post to say happy Earth Day. Photo by Dan Smith 

Fat Sex, Slut Shaming, and Desexualization

I wanna talk about a few things. First is fat sex and how awesome it is. Or rather how not unawesome it is. Did that make sense? See, a lot of people assume that fat sex is difficult or unsatisfying, or maybe just not that awesome. I've had sex with thin men and fat men and with fat women. And hi.. I'm fat too.. in case you forgot. Which means that everyone I've slept with.. *gasp*.. had sex with a fat person... and liked it! At least that's what their O face seems to have implied. And most of them had sex with me multiple times even! I know I know, its' a lot to take in. I'll give you a moment.....okay, moment taken? Good. I've never had problem with any position, but if you do, there are blogs for that.  There's more to fat sex than just awesomeness though.

Ever been slut shamed as a fat sexual person? Or assumed to be promiscuous? There's the people who just assume that you're compensating for something with lots of sex (which is weird because these same people would swear that people don't wanna have sex with fatties. hum. ). Personally I've heard a lot of slut shaming going on from these crowds. Because you can't just be a sex positive empowered fat person. No! You have to be doing it because of your low self esteem. Usually this also means that you're reckless and unsafe and uninformed about sex with all those people who don't wanna sleep with you to begin with. (are you getting a headache from this?). Because the assumption, wrong or right, that you're promiscuous comes with the assumption that that's a bad thing to be. Look here. These people are idiots okay? You know and I know that not all fatties sleep with everyone they see. And you know and I know that even if they did that would be just fine because sex is good. Remember? Fat sex is awesome.

This doesn't mean that low self esteem sex or compensation sex doesn't happen. I'm sure it does. The problem comes when you start to generalize and assume. You know what they say about the word assume. Each fat person is an individual person with their own reasons for sex. We have this great thing called autonomy, meaning independence or freedom. Bodily autonomy means our bodies, our choice, none of your freaking business.

But what about the opposite? Desexualization of fat people? It goes a little bit back to all those people who aren't supposed to want to fuck us to begin with. Sometimes hypersexualization and desexualization happen at the same time (try getting your head around that one!). I've even been told, trigger warning here, that fat people don't get raped or sexually assaulted because no one would want a fatty. I'm dead serious. Imagine how fucked up it would be to be told that and think about how that ties into the desexualization of fat people. I'm suddenly reminded of that clip from The Lorax when the lorax is arguing with a fat woman and the main character chimes in with "you wouldn't hit a woman would you?" and the lorax responds in disbelief with, "that's a woman?!".

Yep, be prepared to be stripped of your entire identity as a fat person and especially as a fat woman. Not only are you not a sexual being, but you don't even register as anything other than a genderless blob. This is because fat people are so gross that people don't want to think of them as sexual beings. Much like old people or disabled people, or, god, you can think about the conservative's ick reaction to gay sex (you can think about the ageism, ableism, and homophobia that go along with those as well). People just think, ick! and so reduce you to a thing. It's the ultimate in dehumanization. To have your sexuality taken from you just because someone else can't stand the thought of it.

Whatever the issues surrounding it, it's clear that we have a lot of work to do regarding sex and fat sex specifically. We live in an incredibly sex negative culture where sex is not talked about except in hushed whispers and harsh accusations. When are we going to understand that sex is a natural and beautiful thing for those who are sexual beings regardless of weight, height, age, ability, skin color, sexual orientation, or anything else. We need to deeply explore our feelings about sex to uncover some hard truths about ourselves and our culture. We use sex as a weapon, as an insult, as a means of objectification, as a means of control, as a way to police people and bodies. It has to end. Sex is good. Fat sex is awesome.

Day at the Park

Had a fabulous time with my friend Katherine at her birthday shoot. I was mostly there taking photos of all the beautiful women who showed up (that's right, I take photos too!), but I had a couple snapped of me as well that I thought I'd share.

photo by Kristen Wamplar

photo by Kristin Wamplar

photo by Bill Welch

Makeup Free Monday- Feb and March

 February I missed a couple of weeks, but March's are all there, I swear! I'll mention again that I first got started doing these makeup free Mondays as a result of Functional Girl on facebook. They call for photos of followers, every monday, of women without makeup on. Because you're beautiful just the way you are and because you don't have to buy into a multi billion dollar industry that tells you there's something wrong with you.

International Women's Day

Happy International Women's Day to everyone. Today I want everyone to take an extra moment to appreciate their bodies, especially women. Women are the primary victims of constant body stigma and policing. We're told what to wear, what to do with our bodies, how much to weigh and what to eat (or don't eat). It's cute to see a woman eat "like a man" as long as she stays skinny. We're told to constantly make ourselves prettier, skinnier, smarter (but not too smart now!), to be perfect homemakers while also bringing home an income. Every part of our lives is policed from getting dressed in the morning to how to have sex with your lover (thanks Cosmo!).

Women are objectified and over sexualized. Our bodies are always wrong no matter what they look like. All women are under immense pressure to conform to sexist and outdated expectations while also being a modern woman. It's impossible to achieve. Fat women have an extra dose of discrimination and oppression heaped on them. From making less money compared to thin people and men, being passed over for jobs, having medical problems ignored, and extra body policing (should you really be eating that?). Fat women are both overly sexualized and fetishized by some groups while being desexed entirely by others.

In a man's world and a thin person's world (and let's not forget a straight, white, cis, wealthy, able bodied person's world) it's difficult to stand up for oneself. It's difficult to stand up and say "I am here. I take up space and that's okay". Doing so it's an act of rebellion. It's a giant middle finger to the patriarchy. To the society that would pathologicalize your body, to dehumanize your body. To stand up and say "I am a beautiful, sexual being, with my own autonomy and responsibility for myself" is a full scale attack on a culture of hate. To exist, is to take part in taking down a system of oppression. Your voice is important, it's necessary, it's essential! And that voice is the voice of body acceptance and love.  It's a difficult voice to raise over the roar of advertisements for perfection and obedience, but together we can do it.

So on this important day look around you, see the women around you, in your life, and appreciate them and their uniqueness. They deserve it. We deserve it. You deserve it.