It's not that easy- not for FA activists and not for anyone else. It's a constant struggle. You're fighting the entire world and a massive culture of fat hatred and shaming. You're fighting yourself and all of the indoctrination and shame and stereotypes that are buried deep in your subconscious brain. You are fighting the media industry and the music industry and the ad industry. You're righting a 10 billion dollar a year diet industry. Sometimes you even find yourself fighting supposedly fat friendly industries- like online plus size clothing shops that put all their clothing on thin models.
|Photo by Christopher Goette|
Luckily the workshop went better than expected. The instructor did a good job at making sure both models had plenty of camera time and the students didn't seem to mind too much that they had to shoot a fat girl. As most self conscious fat people do I felt they really wanted to photograph the other model more- and maybe they did, but considering it was one of those days when you assume no one can stand to look at you, I have to chalk it up to my own fear and paranoia that day. Even though I was feeling like crap, I went and modeled anyway. Sometimes you just have to fight through it- do what you know is right whether than what you feel like you should do (like hiding in your room without food until you're "fit" for society). Of course, if you don't feel like pushing through it and facing the society that dehumanizes you so much, then that's fine- stay at home and read FA blogs and browse through The Adipositivity Project for inspiration. Sometimes, you just have a bad day. We all have our bad days. And that's completely alright.