Fairies Everywhere

I attended the group costume shoot at Castle McColloch in Jamestown, NC with the NC Photography group, created and run by Chris Goette on Tuesday. I've worked with Chris and his group many times. They are simply just wonderful with so many talented people (photographers and fellow models) to work with. I've made so many friends through this group that it makes me all teary eyed just thinking about it. It just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! As with any group shoot I'll restate that it's easier for some models than others although, in this case, I feel it had to do with quality and intricacy of costumes. Though there were some non costumed models as well.

Me, I donned two outfits with two different sets of wings from Jenniveves which are just absolutely stunning and incredibly well made. Better, there are no shoulder straps. There are wires instead that simply slip down inside your bra strap, corset, etc. My realistic looking daisy crown? Bloom Design Studio which makes gorgeous headbands, bobby pins, wrist cuffs, hippie head wraps and crowns with a gorgeous and impressive assortment of styles and colors. I got some brilliant photos and I'm happier still that I got plenty of photos with good friends (and some new friends) which I'll do a separate post for). Because of the nature of the shoot with over 80 people who showed up in a big group, the photos trickle in slowly. If I get more I may do an update post but, for now, enjoy.

By Sam McClenaghan

By Susan Bryan

By Sam McClenaghan

By Lauren Light who is also a talented musician (absolutely one of my faves!)

By Lauren Light who is also a talented musician (absolutely one of my faves!)

by Susan Bryan

by Deon Bartlett

by Scott Angel

the only photo of my steampunk wings! I guess I broke out the second
outfit a bit too late, eh? I'll use it first next time.
Photo by Susan Bryan

My Time. It Has Been Wasted.

I've been to some bad, awkward, or insulting shoots, but one thing I really don't appreciate? My fucking time being wasted. The photographer who contacted me on model mayhem, firstly, didn't send me any contact information such as a phone number in case of emergencies. Then they sent me to the wrong location- the wrong city entirely! So what should have been a ten minute drive turned into twenty minutes to the wrong city, ten minutes of aimless wandering and trying to figure out where I was actually supposed to be (didn't help that I couldn't contact the photographer), then another 30 minutes back to the correct city.

By Art By Ash Photography

Getting there late for a group shoot meant that they had already gone off and started shooting which meant another half an hour of wandering around trying to find them. And this is North Carolina people. In August. Heat index of over a hundred degrees and sweltering humidity. I finally found the group and, seeing I was all dressed up, assumed I was a makeup artist. When I corrected them many of them tried to shoo me off to find another group (it had split off into several groups of photographers by then). They had no idea where the group was but they wanted me to go wander off to who fucking knows where in heels. Hell to the no. So, my reward for sticking with this first group of around 15 or so photographers (with one other model) was to be completely ignored for the next 20 minutes.

At first I waited patiently for them to be done with the first model.. waiting my turn. But when they were done they just picked up and moved to a new location and started shooting her again! So I waited again and they did the same damn thing! At that point I simply walked back to my car and left. I could have been relaxing today after a busy day yesterday.

For those of you who follow my twitter or facebook page and were expecting some awesome badass photos as a result- I'm sorry, but not a single photo of me was produced. I promise to make it up with even more awesomness soon though. </rant>

Fat and Rockin It

I got to rock my new "fat" necklace by Definatalie during a photography class being given by  the photographer's education and resource center inc in Raleigh, NC. I donned various costumes for students and finally got to do some shots with my fellow models there with me. I made a lot of great new friends and I couldn't believe how nice and supportive everyone was. The boys were great sports even though they're probably not used to posing with a larger model and the photographers were eager and really fun to work with. This is part one of several sets. Me and the others: street clothes set.

By Caroline

Roosevelt Conyers and Tyrone Johnson with me. photo by Caroline

Roosevelt Conyers and Tyrone Johnson with me. photo by Caroline

from middle to right all the way around: me, Briana Hawkins, Konisa Rhone, Tyrone Johnson, Roosevelt Conyers, ______ , and Tara Smitty. photo by Caroline

Fat Girl Pinup

I want to talk about how I felt about this shoot, but I'm having trouble putting it into words. It wasn't awful.. a couple of photographers shot a few photos. It was a group shoot so I was one of several models and it seemed a bit like I had to beg for scraps. Many of the models were fawned over- half a dozen or more photographers circling them. I spent most of the time walking in circles, talking to friends, and just waiting. Some friends couldn't get away from photographers long enough for me to speak to them, but I seemed to have plenty of time on my hands. One of the few times I felt awkward and self conscious.

As the photos began being posted on the group's website I began feeling more and more alienated and I saw page after page after page, hundreds of photos, go up of every model except for myself. Now, a few people finally posted- a good friend posted several and there were two others. Another photographers emailed me photos. And still it seemed like I had to fight for those. I don't like feeling like the obligatory model. The one people take photos of so she doesn't feel left out (which generally doesn't happen to most models, of course).

Now is that what really happened? I have no idea. It's probably partly colored by my perception, my mood at the time, maybe my outfit wasn't good enough, and maybe that I drove an hour and a half for it so my expectations could have been too high. It's just so much different working with a photographer one on one. When I work with a single photographer I know they want to work with me and I know why. I've spoken with them, they know my mission, and they have ideas just for me. In a group I feel insignificant and overlooked.

One more thing to work on. It's interesting that I spent most of my fat life trying to blend in and fade into the background. So afraid that if I was noticed it would be negative and now I spend so much of my time trying to be noticed. To challenge people's perceptions and to figuratively rub my body in other people's faces. To  try so hard to do that and then not be chosen, or noticed is an interesting new feeling and not one that I particularly like. I'm reminded that I'm not as far down the road of real acceptance as I like to think most of the time. But then I also have to remind myself that I'm further than I was and that I have to be grateful for that.

Byr Peggy Btucher:

By Tyson Carroll

 By Susan Bryan