Throwing Out the Underpants

Ragen Chastain is one of my heros. Let's get that out of the way first and foremost. She's amazing and awesome and I could not be more excited or honored that she even knows I exist. But, since we're all individuals we're going to disagree on some things. And one thing that's always always bothered me is the underpants rule. Well, not all of it. Let me explain. The Underpants Rule basically states that you are The Boss of your Own Underpants. This means that you don't get to tell me what to do and I don't get to tell you what to do. This is particularly used in, you guessed it, fat acceptance circles where Ragen is pretty much a celebrity.

Okay, great, I mostly agree with that rule! Except for when it comes to harmful behavior. And when I mean harmful I mean perpetuating social stigma and bigotry or something serious that may result in very real physical or psychological harm being done. For example, I'm not going to tell you how to dress, but I am certainly going to intervene if you, say, tell me that you're suicidal, or have an eating disorder, or something like that. I'll try my best to talk you out of it. You may be the boss of your own underpants, but that has a huge limit. Most people agree that self harm such as suicidal ideation is a point at which someone should intervene and stop saying "your choice, do what you want".

Well, I've been an activist for a long time, even before I found fat acceptance issues to advocate for, and I've always stood up to someone who is bigoted. In my opinion your underpants stop being your own when you're hurting other people. Which is why I wrote the post that I did about weight loss surgery for example. So while proponents of the underpants rule say "you can choose to lose weight if you want to because they're your underpants", that's past my threshold. I say, you're perpetuating fatphobia and thin privilege and therefore you need to be talked out of it/ stood up to. It's not just fatphobia I apply this rule to. I don't stand for any kind of bigotry, especially from my friends and people that I love.

So I'm sorry, but I"m going to advocate for throwing out the underpants, or burning them, or whatever you choose to do with those underpants that keep you from being the best advocate and activist that you can be. Because while sometimes it's prudent to keep your opinions to yourself, sometimes it's necessary to share them and to get people to change their way of thinking. When I was bragging to a friend about getting my calories under x amount and she introduced me to fat acceptance, it changed my life. If she'd just decided to let me lose weight (which wasn't working anyway) and not say anything, then I'd still be hating myself and perpetuating and defending fatphobia.

Some people empathize with people wanting to lose weight in a way, saying that thinness holds a good deal of privilege and therefore it's understandable that it's desirable and they're right, it does. But I wholeheartedly believe that privilege is a bad thing and wouldn't exist in a truly egalitarian world. We should reject privilege and do our best to educate people against the privileges that we do posses. So yeah, thinness will give you privilege (however temporary), but by specifically trying to attain privilege you're perpetuating bigotry. Privilege only exists because oppression does as well. Ending bigotry should be our number one priority. Sorry underpants.

I Stand

No doubt, by now, many, if not all, of you have heard about Marilyn Wann's I Stand project. If you'll remember, the Georgia anti-fat group, strong4life, posted ads around the state shaming fat kids. Well, Marilyn and a small team of photoshoppers have joined forces and created dozens of protesting posters with people of all shapes and sizes stating what they stand for or against. The amazing Pattie Thomas has made a great slide show of many of them and there's also a tumblr!

For me, strong4life's campaign as well as Marilyn's I stand campaign are personal. I was that fat child and the bullying from peers, family, the media, and even strangers contributed to a decade long struggle with an eating disorder, self destructive behaviors, and severe depression. So for my poster I wanted to specifically address the increased risk of eating disorders and suicide associated with weight stigma and weight bullying. You'll notice the word 'love' written on my arm as well. The TWLOHA organization (to write love on her arms) is dedicated to awareness of depression and self injury. The majority of people know someone who self harms or has, whether they know it or not.  These are two very important issues and I'm happy to be part of this project.

If you want to participate email a photo of yourself and what you stand for or against to Marilyn Wann at Marilyna@fatso.com. make sure the photo is a reasonable size!

The other twitter

One of the trending hash tags on twitter right now is #fatpeoplenightmares. The idea is posting things that fat people are, apparently, terrified of. Such as walking up stairs, fast food places shutting down, having to exercise, or just always being fat. I don't know about you but my worst fear is a zombie attack or if we're talking about things based in reality I'm pretty fracking scared of the type of world that these assholes create. Anyway, if you have a twitter, log on right now and throughout the day and post anti bullying, pro body or pro fat messages and be sure to include #fatpeoplenightmares. We won't be able to balance it out, but hell, it feels good to protest these types of ignorant and hateful messages.

How the term "plus size" effects our cultural ideas of body size

I'm not sure how much this post will mesh with the rest of the fat-o-sphere and, who knows, I may look back on this post in a couple of years and ask, "what was I thinking?", but here goes anyway. It started with all of the buzz around the Vogue Italia issue which featured three "plus size" models on the cover. While I was with everyone in applauding their efforts in portraying a more average body type, the fact that anyone was calling these women "plus" size was puzzling to me. I have always known that "plus" size started at a 12 or, in some cases, a size 10US, but the intellectual knowledge doesn't stop it from being shocking when you actually see it.

When I ranted about this a bit on facebook a friend replied that she had been browsing online clothing stores with larger (ie, average sized) models. She had been doing it long enough that when she went to a site with normal (ie, very thin) models she was shocked at just how thin they were. Normalization is important here because it's the basis for the anti photoshopping and the body image campaigns in regards to model thinness. When we're constantly exposed to one body as a certain idea it becomes so normal that anything outside of it seems odd. In this case the thinness of the models became very clear when my friend exposed herself to average sized models. But we don't see the thinness that way when it's the only thing we see in general.

So, in the same way, if we're touting average sized models as "plus" sized then we're still essentially saying that an average body is a very thin one because plus implies larger than average. So if average sized people are "plus sized" then what are actual "plus" sized people? It's still just another way of skewing perception of body types.

More so, these publicity stunts are just that- stunts. Gimmicks. Freak shows. A way to boost sales by saying "look! We can totally be aware and sensitive to needs of women!". Unfortunately the magazines go right back to displaying rail thin models cover to back- thus ensuring that we don't forget where the normalization is really supposed to stay.

I hope, I really really hope, that more realistic sized models become the norm. I have zero problem with featuring women who are a size 8 or 10 or 14 and I think that if these became the normal sizes for models that it would do a hell of a lot of good in our culture. But can we please just stop calling them "plus size"? If a size 12 model is a "plus" sized person then what the hell am I? What the hell do you call actual fat models like Beth Ditto (a size 28) or Velvet d'Amor (who is 5'8" and about 275lbs)? This doesn't seem like real progress. What it seems like is a glittery circus act designed to distract and placate us.

On Safe Spaces

Safe spaces are controversial. Usually contested by the privileged majority against the oppressed minority. Fat acceptance and body acceptance as a whole is unique in the sense that one does not have to be a part of the privileged in order to oppress. I don't know what it is, but we have a fantasy issue. This fantasy issue is why fat people, drowning in the fantasy of being thin, can actively engage in oppression of other fat people. It's why they don't understand why safe places for fatties often include no diet talk, no weight loss talk, and no "but health!" talk. The "but I'm fat too" argument just doesn't work here when you're still operating on a notion that you can and should be thin, even if you're not at the moment.

So the idea of a safe space is seen as "a circle jerk" as one person put it to me. Of people who agree with each other sitting around patting each other on the back for agreeing with each other. This is framed as a bad thing. It's called dictatorial and a repression of information and free speech. Maybe it is, but I can't say that I have a problem with it. Yes, we have to confront the bigotry and we have to work hard to change minds and to change a culture of sizism, fatphobia, and body hate, but where's the rule that says we have to do it all of the time? All day every day?

There are literally thousands of places on the web to discuss these issues and I feel there should be at least one place where people aren't guilted, shamed, accused, or judged based on their bodies. There are very very few places (and when i say few I mean a handful only) where people can go and be safe from body shame.. I'll divulge to you this: many of the people who have to defend against those accusations have to do it constantly in the rest of our lives.. and i don't just mean bloggers.. i mean all of us BA activists/advocates. We have to defend body acceptance to friends, family, strangers, internet trolls, seemingly concerned citizens, our doctors, and everyone else. We have to constantly worry about bullying and discrimination and the very real and damaging effects thereof. It's nice to have one place- just one! (because I haven't found many others believe me!) that we can go and just chill. To be in good company with other people who are all for body acceptance and to just pat each other on the back and say "yeah.. you're fine the way you are.. sit back and take a break". This also sometimes means that spaces are designated just for fat acceptance instead of overall body acceptance (I know from experience that a lot of thin privilege denying sneaks into body acceptance areas- hence the need for a space just for fat people).

 This isn't about someone's right to their bigotry, it's not about the right to free speech, it's not about the need to intellectual and civil discussions. It's about the importance  of looking after our own health, including our mental well being. It is not okay for anyone to force constant emotional stress upon us, including complaining about our attempt  to get away from emotionally draining and never ending abuse. It is our right to take a mental health day every once in a while.