Dieters and Fatphobia

Why is it that so many fat activists and people within the fat activist community have been turning their backs on FA in favor of The Fantasy Of Thin? I'm so tired of seeing fat role models decide to lose weight. Rosie Mercado comes to mind, but she's only one of many. I've seen many bloggers embark on a "weight loss journey". The 95% probability that they'll gain it back and then some doesn't seem to bother them, they're too caught up in dropping pant sizes. What really bothers me is the damage that this does to the fat acceptance community. Yes, it often damages individuals too, but so do a lot of things. Usually I say something's not my business... unless it's promoting oppression. As the old saying goes, your right to swing your fist stops at my nose.

Now, I'm a queer woman. I've fallen in love with men and women and had my heart broken by both. It's a pretty common belief that queerphobia is harmful and that people just, you know, shouldn't be assholes. They should be tolerant and accepting and, heck, even happy for us when we manage to find happiness, regardless of whom that's with. I don't hear a lot of people saying that it's someone else's choice to be queerphobic and we should walk on eggshells to not offend them or hurt their feelings because, you guuuuuuys, it's THEIR choice to hate people. Never mind that it results in anything from job discrimination, to suicide and murder. Oh no no, let's let them be. Live and let live, right? Except they're not really letting us live are they?

I feel the same way about fatphobes really. Even people with internalized fatphobia. It does so much damage to the rest of the fat community and it literally can cost people their lives.. yes, from job discrimination to suicide, being fat in a fatphobic society sucks, and when you give into that fatphobia, you're making it worse for the rest of us.

Now, this doesn't mean that I don't understand where they're coming from. I wasn't always a fat activist, I hated myself, I dieted, I was suicidal, I was extremely fatphobic. But I also didn't go around saying I was a part of the FA community and totally on board with fat acceptance as I'm starving myself. Meaning that if you're going to decide to lose weight, you need to recognize that you're no longer body positive and that you're harming your fellow fatties. And don't be surprised when people call you out, because people will definitely call you out.

I'm pretty tired of tip toeing around dieters in order to avoid offense. I'm not going to put up with queerphobes, sexists, or fatphobes (or any other kind of bigotry for that matter, but those are a few that apply to me). Just because something is normalized in our culture doesn't make it okay or protected.

I have a couple of people in the FA community that I still look up to. People who haven't given in. People who are still fighting for equality. But every time I see a friend or blogger or activist fall prey to this misogynistic beauty ideal, a little piece of me dies. It makes me so sad and angry and disheartened. This means that I just have to fight harder I guess.

Today, I am ashamed.

I don't usually go off topic, but what kind of rights activist would I be if I didn't mention the huge failure of North Carolina citizens in yesterday's election on Amendment One, the amendment to the state constitution which now defined marriage as between one man and one woman. Domestic Partnerships and Civil Unions are also no longer recognized in the state, even among straight couples. Only 34% of Carolinians got out to vote yesterday. The right wing may have won on the amendment, but they failed as decent human beings and, therefore, we all failed. By not voting, by losing, or by bigotry- we all failed in some way.

I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who spend their time, money, and resources campaigning against Amendment One and now it's time to refocus those efforts on repealing this government sanctioned bigotry. If the system works correctly it will be overturned as unconstitutional as it should be. I know that every state is on it's way to allowing gay marriage, but in these moments it seems difficult to imagine living in a country where fear and bigotry and oppression aren't the ruling force. We've made some headway as DOMA was struck down as well as DADT. I know we're doing well, I just don't feel it. Today I am disappointed in my state and I am ashamed to live here.

When it's the system abusing the children

We all remember the recent hubub when Dr. Lindsey Murtagh and Dr. David S. Ludwig made a suggestion in a Journal of American Medicical Association issue that perhaps "obese" children should be taken away from their parents for child neglect/abuse. The obvious idea being that these parents must be shoveling food in their kids' mouths and letting them watch TV and play video games all day. This particularly hits home for me because I would have been one of those kids, weighing in at over 150lbs by age 10 which made me clinically "obese". I can't remember my exact weight, I only remember being in grade school and looking at a scale thinking "if I can just stay this weight and not gain anymore as I grow then when I get to be a grown up I won't be fat". My diet consisted of the exact same meals, snack, and exercise as my brother and my sister who were both slim. But my mom was obviously abusing me into fatness, right? I just wonder what would have happened if I had been placed in foster care and they had failed to make me thin too? 

the three youngest children seen on the right holding an adult's hands are
at risk for being taken away for being too fat

In the UK we're seeing this suggestion put into practice. According to the Daily Mail three children have already been taken away and placed in foster care for being too fat. They were later reunited with their parents but had every single thing they ate monitored and even had a check in sheet for bed time. The parents were forced to move into an apartment run by a state program and were only allowed to live with 3 of their 6 children at a time. They were told to enroll their kids in dance and football and now that their kids have failed to slim down they're at risk for being taken away again, permanently, and without visitation. The oldest boy, who's 12, weighs about 224lbs, the 11 year old girl about 150 lbs, and the three year old weight around 55lbs (it doesn't mention heights, but the youngest looks fairly tall for a 3 year old).

Yes, all of these kids are on the larger side, like their parents. That would make sense considering obesity is primarily genetic, but they're also all within the range of normal and they're not done growing. Can you imagine the strain of having a social worker watch your every move? The mother even came under fire for letting her 7 year old fall asleep and stay at her father's because she didn't want to disturb her. What the system is doing to this family is far more abusive than any "over nourishment" that may be happening.

The mother said "The pressure of living in the family unit would have broken anyone. We were being treated like children and cut off from the outside world. To have a social worker stand and watch you eat is intolerable"


These children have been emotionally and psychologically tortured by a system that is supposed to be acting in their best interest but, instead, act with feat, judgement, and bigotry. Any chance they may have had at health or happiness may very well have just gone out the window. What this family has been put through is inexcusable and they're not the only ones. The UK social services department will be looking at more cases of failure to produce thin children and what has happened to these poor parents and children may very well happen to many more UK citizens. 


And there is, as always, the issue that no one is looking at what is being fed to thin kids, regardless of whether it is damaging their health. I can't even express the sadness and anger and frustration that this story has brought me. I have a feeling that the worst fat hate and bigotry and discrimination is still ahead of us. I hope that feeling is wrong. No one, no one, here cares about our health or well being and they sure as hell don't care about the facts or the science. Anti fat policies like this are based solely in fat hatred and ignorance. We need to figure out a way to fight this. 


*thanks to Neil for sending me this story

When is okay to laugh at the disabled?

Answer: NEVER

I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when I read an article about how the hit TV show, Tosh.0, may inadvertently be helping the lgbt community lessen homophobia. Tosh.0 is a modern day version of America's Funniest Home Videos except that the videos are youtube videos. Seeing as my browser rarely lets me watch videos inside of blogs I went directly to youtube to watch the video of Daniel Tosh and his coworkers popping viagra and watching hardcore gay porn which, unfortunately, alerted me to this video:

transcript:
Tosh: When is it okay to laugh at the disabled?
video of two fat women in electric wheelchairs going down the road with one wheelchair hooked to the first. [laughter]
Tosh: now, now, now!
video replays
Tosh: if train A leaves walmart going 1 mile an hour... good thing she swung for the tow package on that rascal. And I see mom's wearing her going out tarp [laughter]. Shame on you for laughing. I don't find these jokes funny. Whenever I see someone in a wheelchair I always offer them a ride
video clip of a truck towing a long series of wheelchairs behind it with the last wheelchair turned over and being dragged with no one inside.
Tosh: 98% of them made it to their destination safely

So when is okay to make fun of the disabled? Well when they're fat of course!  Because then you know it's their own fault- unlike that football player who became completely paralyzed during a game.. no, he didn't put himself in that situation at all. Being a football player is genetic and being fat is a choice you know. At 0:17 you can see the second woman flip off the camera guy- good for her! And I sincerely hope with every bit of my being that she went home, got on a fat acceptance support group and was able to get pissed off with lots of people supporting her. Not only was she recorded by some random asshole in a car just for having the audacity to appear in public while fat but the video went viral and ended up on a national TV show.

I can't even begin to articulate why this is so disgusting. Not only do they have no idea why these women are fat or why they are disabled, but even if they did, it doesn't give them the right to emotionally and psychologically abuse these women. And I hope it truly hits home how severe the word "abuse" is because I mean it in it's most serious form. These men are using sizism, sexism, classism, and ableism to oppress and grievously injure complete strangers who have does nothing to them except  dare to appear in their line of vision.

Bigotry 101: if your sentence starts with "when is okay to laugh at" followed by an oppressed group then you should probably stop right there.