When Eating Disorders ARE The Beauty Ideal

TW: EDs, mention of death

When I was in high school, I had a casual friend, M. I liked her. I wanted to be like her. She was quirky, weird, popular, and once asked if she could have my soul. I said yes, wrote it on a piece of paper, and she put it in a decorated box in which she kept her other collected souls. She was me, but prettier, thinner, and way less awkward. She was also, as good 90's kids were, obsessed with Nirvana.

I recall a day in creative writing class, where she was waxing poetically about Kirt Cobain, slipping in that he had an eating disorder which lead to his suicide (which is likely not actually true 15 year old me caught the conversation.

"When I grow up.. I want to have an eating disorder" I sighed, half to myself, not at all aware that I already had a full blown eating disorder in the form of anorexia ("atypical" because that's what they call it when you're an anorexic who's fat). I wanted a "better" eating disorder. Where I could go months on end eating nothing at all. Part of me wanted to waste away and die. Most of me just wanted to be thin and desirable and I thought an eating disorder would achieve that because nothing else had.

M started crying and her friend, J, swooped in to comfort her, angrily snapping at me "you can't just say things like that!". I stuttered an apology, saying I didn't know it would cause that kind of reaction.

The issue that I want to discuss here- is that the tears and the anger were not for a 15 year old girl who longed for anorexia, but because of a celebrity that no one in that class had known personally. Now, I'm not saying that you can't be upset or grieve when a treasured celebrity dies or struggles with something. But I do want to make it clear that no one showed one bit of concern, compassion, or pity, that a young girl would strive to have an eating disorder,would make it a goal.

Do you understand what I'm saying here? I wanted an eating disorder. On purpose. On purpose. And no one cared or tried to help me.

Often, when fat people have eating disorders, we're patted on the back, told to "keep doing what you're doing", and praised for trying to do the right thing- which is to be smaller. The experiences of thin people with eating disorders and those of fat people with eating disorders are very different. You may have guessed, but neither M nor J were fat. They were squarely in thin territory and probably had never considered that fat people, especially fat kids, almost constantly hurt, and are bullied and abused relentlessly. It's really no wonder that I was hoping for the "willpower" to restrict even more. Both needing to be thin and needing people to hear and see my pain.

Thin people are often so oblivious to the struggles and oppression of fat people, that such disturbing information is only disturbing coming from a thin person. Coming from me- the fat girl in class- it just highlighted and centered thin people. We can't even talk about our own hurt and trauma without it being about thin people.

I never received any kind of emotional support or medical care for my eating disorder, even though I'd go weeks without eating anything at all, often could not stand- getting dizzy just from getting out of my chair, was using and abusing ephedra (a diet product now banned in the US) to get through the day, exercising for hours every day, and made comments like the one above. A thin kid doing these things would have received treatment.

Given that young girls and femmes who are or perceive themselves to fat are the most at risk group for eating disorders, we are hugely failing these kids. Boys and masc kids are becoming more at risk in general too- again, specifically among those who are or perceive themselves to be fat.

We, as a society, have taken a disease that has the highest death rate of any mental illness, anorexia, and glorified it. We've made it something that little kids dream about being able to "accomplish" some day- like it's a shiny trophy with "first place skinny" marked on it.

People want to talk about glorifying "obesity"?  At least fat people survive. Even if you believed the nonsense about fatness increasing risk for other illnesses, we're still living into our 60's, 70's, 80's, and beyond. We have children as young as 8 being treated for EDs.. we have children, children, dying. Being put in the ground because of eating disorders.

Why are we allowing this? Why is there no information or outrage over the epidemic of body hate? Why? Because you can't profit from people having self esteem.

You can't profit from people having self esteem.

It's time to take back our power and stop trying to kill ourselves for perceived beauty. They don't care if you die as long as they're raking in the dough at the end of the day. We have to understand that we are more important than capitalism. We are more important than some rich dude getting richer. We are just plain important. 

Eating Disorders and Underrepresented Communities

Today is World Eating Disorders Day, a day to help raise awareness for eating disorders of all kinds, throughout the world. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who will be ignored on this day. The typical face of eating disorders will be a young, white, very thin, girl, likely with anorexia or possibly bulimia. And yes, these people exist. This post is not meant to deny or invalidate those experiences because they are very real and very deadly. But while people are offering support and resources to these young women and girls, people of color, fat people, men, trans, and nonbinary people fly under most people's radars.

Let's start with the fact that studies show in 6th and 7th grade girls, Hispanics and Asians showed significantly more body dissatisfaction  more, than white girls. Similarly, Native American girls were attempting weight at a greater rate than white girls. Despite the fact that eating disorders are seen as a white person's issue, ED's affect all races in the US at about equal rates.

Another group that's rarely, if ever, talked about, is older people. Yep, you read that right. Eating disorders among older people are on the rise. There's been a steep rise in the increase in body disatisfaction in people past midlife- a 31% rise in the past few decades and we don't even have statistics on this past 1997 (almost a decade ago!). We do know that over a third of outpatient treatment for eating disorders was for people over the age of 30. And, even though weight loss can be harmful, especially as you age, 20% of women who were 70 years or older were actively trying to lose weight.

Boys and men are not only often ignored when it comes to the ED community, but face added stigma in that eating disorders are seen as a feminine quality. There aren't really many statistics on men and eating disorders and more research needs to be done, but we do know that, though eating disorders affect women and girls more often, cases for boys and men are catching up. And there aren't even statistics on boys and men with muscle dysmorphia or "bigorexia", a condition in which someone is obsessed with the idea of getting bigger with muscle.

Sexuality plays a role in this too. For boys and men who were queer, they were significantly more likely to have starved themselves (fasted), used laxatives or diet pills, or vomited to try to lose weight.  Queer teens were also twice as likely to report incidences of binge eating with queer girls and women being twice as likely to binge. (Binge Eating Disorders is another under the radar, stigmatized, ED that we'll talk about later) Keep in mind that we don't even have a vague idea about eating disorders in the trans community. Among trans and non binary people, eating disorders exist, but we don't know how common they are or how their identities play into their eating disorders. We do know that fat is often associated with femininity, especially when it appears in certain spots in the body (such as the hips or chest). Here's a story about a trans man with an eating disorder where his curves made him feel fat and, ultimately, lead to anorexia nervosa.

And, speaking of fat.. let's get onto eating disorders in fat people. We know that being "overweight" or perceived as "overweight" puts you more at risk for an eating disorder. That's right folks, fat people are at a greater risk for eating disorders than thin people. And fatphobia- convincing thin people that they're fat or need to lose weight- puts them at greater risk too. I don't think we can pretend that fatphobia has nothing to do with eating disorders when thinness is often the goal. Wanting to be thin and body dissatisfaction are the most well known risks for eating disorders, and yet, we like to think that fat shaming not only is good for fat people, but doesn't affect thin people. In reality, fatphobia is deadly. Eating disorders are the deadliest mental illness with people with anorexia nervosa having a mortality rate six times higher than the general population which includes suicide. Bulimia also has a high suicide rate and mortality risks for Bulimia and EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) were similar to those with anorexia.

We should not that fat people are most often diagnosed with EDNOS and that EDNOS is the most common eating disorder. (Though people with EDNOS can fall anywhere in the weight range from average to fat, they just don't meet the low weight requirements of AN or BN)

Unfortunately, we don't know the suicide rate among those with BED (Binge Eating Disorder) because, let's face it, no one cares. People with BED tend to be fat (Though not all are. You can have BED and be thin) and we don't really care about fat people. Or BED. Binge Eating Disorder is highly stigmatized. If you're thin then the general thought is that eating a lot is cute, adorable. Despite the fact that BED sufferers face extreme emotional distress including guilt, feeling of internalized fatphobia, and self hate. Fat people with BED are thought to just be overeaters who brought their fate on themselves and they could "simply stop eating so much" and they'd be cured.

And please, let's not forget that none of the statistics in this blog cover disordered eating (such as dieting or other methods of weight loss that do not fit the criteria for an eating disorder). When we factor in the percentage of people who are dieting to lose weight, it's clear that eating disorders and disordered eating affect a massive number of people. In adult women, over half say that eating holds no pleasure and they often feel guilty- think about that. Guilt for doing something you have to do to survive, something we've evolved to take pleasure from. Only 20% of women are instinctive (intuitive) eaters, meaning 80% had some kind of disordered eating.

This is a serious public health concern. I know people like to spout off that "obesity is an epidemic!" but this? This is the real epidemic: fatphobia.

So, today as we look at all of the personal stories of people who have struggled with eating disorders or who still struggle, let's remember the marginalized and underrepresented people who struggle as well. Challenge the stereotype and educate people, because ignorance is killing the most vulnerable among us.

Fat Anorexics

I weigh almost 300lbs and I have anorexia. Technically it's designated as atypical anorexia because I, obviously, don't meet the weight requirements for the more commonly known form of anorexia which requires a low body weight. I have fat anorexia, or, the type of anorexia that you have when you either don't lose weight or don't lose as much weight as it would take to gain an anorexia diagnosis.

I want to talk for a moment about resources for fat patients with eating disorders.


Well, that was short.

In other words, aside from a facebook group which I created for fat people with eating disorders (Body Love Through Struggle), there aren't really any resources specifically for fat people. So why not visit regular ED resource groups and be a part of the rest of the recovery community? Because ED resources are typically designed in a way that's incredibly fatphobic. Fat acceptance isn't a common or welcome philosophy and, let's face it, our fat bodies? They're the worst nightmare for most recovering eating disorder patients.

Eating disorders are entrenched in fatphobia. In fact, fat people, specifically young girls, are more at risk for eating disorders than their thin counterparts. That's because fatphobia drives eating disorders for most people. To get a little personal, my eating disorder started with stealing ephedra diet pills from my mom's purse because of her own internalized fatphobia. When my bipolar symptoms began, I gained weight. A lot of weight. About 100lbs in just three years. What that taught me was that fat was the worst thing a person can be. That you have zero worth as a fat person. I was popular as a thin girl and the punchline and punching bag as the fat girl. This is what drove me to restrictive eating which, soon after, turned into anorexia.

Everyday Feminism published THIS article on fatphobia in eating disorder communities. I saw it posted on facebook and made the mistake of reading the comments. What I saw was a lot of thin people getting really defensive about their own fatphobia. "You can't tell me how to recover!" was an overwhelming current in the thread. To this I replied, "fuck that".

Let's be honest, you don't get to recover on my back, on my life. Fat people are excluded from every eating disorder conversation, recovery program, and resource for ED patients. We're almost always excluded from ED recovery blogs or posts or tumblr memes. Even the picture that I found for my own facebook ED group for fat people doesn't have any body that looks like mine, is as fat or rolly as mine. Being able to get treatment and help and find resources for your eating disorder is a part of thin privilege because when I talked about my eating disorder I was congratulated! Thin privilege is having people recognize and be horrified at the way you're harming yourself instead of wondering what you did so they can do it too. Thin privilege is surviving an eating disorder because fat people end up dead before anyone says something was wrong and, even then, admitting that what fat people do in the name of thinness is fucked up is rarely recognized.

Let me tell you something, you aren't entitled to your recovery when it costs me my life. When you're stepping me and people like me to climb that mountain isn't recovery, it's oppression. You aren't entitled to the resources that we're not allowed to have. If you think you're allowed to hang on to your bigotry because it soothes you then fuck you.

I wanted to include a list of resources that were specifically fat friendly ED resources at the end of this post. Unfortunately, other than the facebook group mentioned at the beginning of this post, I couldn't find anything. If you have a resource, please post it in the comments!

On Fat Child Abuse

It's been a little while since I've written a post and I woke up this morning with child abuse on my mind. Specifically the kind endured by a fat child by family and peers. I hesitate to call it bullying because that seems so mild and unassuming. Abuse is a better word for the physical assaults, the verbal abuse, and more that kids, and even adults, go through.

I was thinking of that video that was going around not too long ago of a straight girl in a world where gay is the norm. Now, I know a lot of queer folks had a problem with the video but this queer woman thought it was moving and emotionally devastating. I also thought "huh, how well that would work for fat kids too". I don't think a lot of people realize how much fat kids have in common with queer kids in the face of abuse from peers and classmates and even family.

Of course, unlike being queer, I could never hide that I was fat. I managed to make it all the way through high school with no one knowing I wasn't straight, but fat? Oh, everyone could see that (of course, not everyone can hide their sexuality either and when I did finally come out I got plenty of people denying I existed or telling me I was just confused and to just be straight already).

The abuse started when I began to lose friends as I gained weight. Pre weight gain (and I gained weight very suddenly and quickly- the doctors guess it went along with my bipolar symptoms first showing up) I was popular. I was really popular. I had tons of friends and "boyfriends" and everyone wanted to hang out with me. I was the talk of the class and sometimes the school. As I gained weight though my friends dropped to a lonely zero. That's right, I went from being popular with everyone wanting to be my friend to not a friend in the world (until around 5th grade when another fat girl moved to my class and we became instant best friends). Can you imagine how lonely that is for a socially outgoing little girl? So first, I became isolated. I felt completely alone and part of nothing. I was that kid every teacher worried about.

Then the verbal and emotional abuse. Fatty fatty two by four. Fake love letters or boys asking me out just to laugh at me in class. Fat slob. Worthless. Fatty. Oh, how fatty was a favorite.

Then the assaults. Yes, I was assaulted multiple times. I was beat up, I had two kids, Linda and Jason Rhodes were their names, who used to follow me home from school on their bikes, as I walked, and threw stones and bricks at me. I ignored them thinking it would make them stop and because I didn't know how to face them. It never stopped.

So, at 10 years old, I attempted suicide for the first time. It failed and no one, not even my family, ever knew about it. I want everyone, everyone, to stop and think about that for a second. Do you know a kid around that age? Were your own kids once that age or about to be? Can you imagine a kid.. just a child.. feeling so hopeless, worthless, unloved, and unneeded that they felt they had to take their own life? Have you ever touched a child's coffin? Ever seen parents weep for a lost child? Ever been close to the victim of a suicide? Please take a moment to truly consider this. Let it seep into your psyche, let it touch your core. Even I have a hard time fathoming this and it happened to me.

As I got older and kids were exposed to more of the world (meaning more violence) I began to get threats. Death threats. Threats of physical violence. Being told to kill myself. Even told to video tape it so everyone could watch. I became a cutter, constantly suicidal without knowing how to get rid of that pain except through more pain. I developed an eating disorder. Vomiting after meals, starving myself, abusing diet pills (isn't all diet pill use an abuse of them really? They're such nasty little things), over exercising. Even at a size 12 I was still bullied. I still thought I was huge. I had my eating disorder ignored because I was fat which made it good. Good to have daily fainting spells. Good to nearly kill myself. Good to risk a heart condition. Good because I was trying to be thin, no matter what the consequences.

And I want to be clear that the abuse wasn't just at school. My aunts, who were my main caregivers, made me feel worthless, often made fun of me, or made comments on my weight, were unsupportive. I had nowhere to hide. Home was almost as bad as school. I had no one to turn to for help. Add to that that my home environment was also physically abusive and I was afraid all of the time. Afraid and alone.

I want to emphasize that my story is not original, it's not unique, it's not a special snowflake of experience. Things like this happen to fat kids again and again and again. Sometimes worse. Sometimes those kids do take their lives successfully and people say it was because of bullying but they never say what kind- fatphobic bullying.  I'll say again that fat kids are often abuse in a number of ways- physically assaulted, chased home, beat up, living in fear. Verbally assaulted with names and cruelty that mimics or bests any domestic violence situation, verbal abuse to cut you down, to make you feel like nothing, worthless. Threats of violence, of rape - how about being told that your rape doesn't count because as a fatty you should feel lucky to have someone have sex with you? It happens. Being told to kill yourself. Sexual assault and harassment.

I love the new anti bullying programs across the country put in place to help and protect lgbt youth, I do. As someone who grew up as an lgbt youth and wishes I had the same protection as an adult, I think it's fantastic.  But I think we have to remember that fat bullying is an old as anyone can remember and kids killing themselves (or attempting to) for being fat has been around just as long as lgbt suicide. But people want to put one on a pedestal and ignore the other. I'm not in any way trying to play the Oppression Olypics, but as someone who's both queer and fat, I feel I can speak on the similarities to a degree -lgbt bullying can and does go further. For example being kicked out of their homes, or even risk of homicide. However, with the escalation of the OBESITYEPIDEMICBOOGABOOGA, with kids being taken out of their homes for being fat, with one UK woman recently attacked on public transit for being fat, I feel like it is only getting worse and more dangerous for fat kids and fat adults. Let's not forget that fat adults face all of the same possible dangers that fat kids face.

I'm writing all of this with a heaviness in my heart that I can't seem to make go away. I wish I could just impress upon everyone the seriousness of fat hate. You can't hate someone thin and, mostly importantly, you can't hate someone healthy. Hate can kill and I mean that with every drop of seriousness that I can muster. Your fatphobia can kill. Innocent, beautiful children. Children aren't born hateful, they're taught it. Hate is far more of a choice than fat will ever be.

Glorifying Obesity

This week I got a comment on my tumblr blog asking if it "glorified obesity" and, worse, claiming that it was "like a pro ana site, but the opposite". *Sigh*. Do I have to keep going over this with people? Yes, apparently so because it will never stop. I know this from what I've seen from other fat activists who have been doing this far longer than I have. The accusation that speaking out for body acceptance is glorifying obesity is a tactic used by pretty much every fatphobe in the book. And not just fat people either. Glorifying has been used in the form of "you're just trying to be superior" against women, against african americans, and against pretty much every marginalized group.

Here's the thing, glorifying obesity, if you pay attention to what the trolls are claiming, is something that you do by simply existing. In the same way I guess I'm glorifying being a woman, being white, being vegan, being a scrapbooker, and being a singer. Who knows what else I'm glorifying over here! More so, it's the act of not being ashamed, not pitying fat people, not hating them or yourself, that glorifies obesity. If that's the definition that we're going with then yeah... yeah I am glorifying obesity and we should do a hell of a lot more glorifying obesity!

As for my blog being like a pro ana site, well, you see the logic they're going with here don't you? All fatties must overeat therefore it's an eating disorder because, you know, all fat people are alike. This is what bigots do with every group they choose to hate. They stereotype and put people in boxes of undesirableness in one way or another. This particular bigot (and many others like them) chooses to hide behind health (because over eating means you're automatically unhealthy, didn't you know that?). But the rub is, of course, that not all fat people are over eaters and some thin people are. They are literally ignoring and pushing aside every thin person who suffers from BED (binge eating disorder). They also ignore every ED that any fat person does have that isn't BED. To them the world is black and white- at least when it comes to fatties. They steal our humanity, our individuality, and shove us in cages labeled lazy, unhealthy, overeaters, greedy. To be clear- Being Fat Is NOT An Eating Disorder. Not anymore than being thin is an eating disorder by itself. Fat people don't all share the same behaviors, thought processes, lifestyle choices, or anything else for that matter.

So go forth, glorify yourself and glorify obesity. Because hate is more of a choice than weight will ever be.

Lighten Up, It's Just a Joke

A great article called, Lighten Up by The Real Katie, has been going around. It's a feminist post about sexism in the programming world. Not just the obvious sexism but the little things that add up to it sucking to be a woman in, well, really any geek circle. As I read it I couldn't help but think about how it also applies to fat people or any oppressed group really. But since this is a fat acceptance blog, we'll talk about it in that context.

People have this misconception that making something into a joke gives it a free pass. People who feel that you can make a joke out of anything and no one has the right to be offended because, hey, lighten up, it's just a joke! Unfortunately for people who are systematically subjugated with routine discrimination, stigma, threats, and even violence, a joke is a little more than just a joke.

So yeah, I'm also tired of being told to "lighten up". Or that I'm being overly sensitive or too PC. When you make a fat joke, you're not talking to the air, you're talking about me and you're spreading stereotypes through humor. Ragen at Dances With Fat calculated that we receive about 386,170 negative messages about our bodies each year. And it's the big things as well as the little things. That's over a thousand negative messages about our bodies every day. How long could you go without getting pissed?  A dozen comments? A hundred? Those negative messages are putting fat people or even people afraid of being fat at a higher risk for eating disorders and even suicide. Since eating disorders are more common in children than diabetes, I think it's time to take a serious look at why telling us to just "lighten up" is such bullshit.

In fact, telling people to lighten up has been used against oppressed groups for a really long time. What? You're angry because people constantly mentally and physically attack you for your body size? Oh lighten up. You're mad because you've been denied health care even with no pre existing conditions? Geeze, lighten up. You're mad because your kid just killed himself due to weight bullying? Why are you being such a hard ass? Lighten up. Really, at what point do you stop lightening up and start getting angry? At what point is it justified to these people? It's not. Not ever. These people wouldn't care if they started marching fat people up to a slaughterhouse, at any hint of anger they'd be told to lighten up.

Well hell no. I'm not going to lighten up. Not about women's rights, not about LGBT rights, not about fat rights (and each group faces it's own unique set of issues- I'm not trying to say they're all exactly the same). I believe strongly in all of these things and just because it kills your buzz at a party doesn't mean I'm going to stop. That I'm going to let that fat joke slide or that comment about how fat people shouldn't be allowed health care, or that the depression is their own fault. I'm going to get mad and I'm not going to apologize for it nor should I. Stand up, get mad, and get something done. It helps to not just start screaming at random people who say something stupid, but don't be bullied into backing down from an honest to goodness issue that needs to be addressed. If someone tells you to lighten up then you tell them if everyone did so when told then there'd be a hell of a lot of people without rights.

From The Real Katie's "Lighten Up"

How long would you put up with it? Do you love anything that much? If your spouse subtly treated you like crap every day, how long would your marriage last? If you saw a friend being treated this way by their boss, wouldn't you tell them to quit? 

Or would you tell them to lighten up?

You, person who told me to lighten up, saw one little thing. It didn't seem like a big deal, did it? One little line! One joke! One comment! But it's not just one thing to me: it's one of thousands that I've had to endure since I was old enough to be told that 'X is for boys!' It's probably not even the first thing I've had to deal with that day, unless you've gotten to me pretty early. 

That's the main problem with subtle discrimination. It leaves those that it affects the most powerless against it, quietly discouraging them. If they speak up, they're treated to eye rolls at the least, and at the worst, are called oppressors themselves. We're accused of not wanting equal rights, but of wanting tyranny. 

I would just like the million little barbs to stop, and I would like to not be told to 'lighten up'.

Diet book for 4 year olds- because 8 year old is just too old to start hating your body

Maggie goes on a diet. Everyone else is adding their two cents so I figured I'd chime in as well. As everyone probably knows already, this is a children's book targeted to children ages 4-8 (according to amazon) or 6-12 (according to Barnes and Noble). The age range listed on amazon is slightly more disturbing, but children 4-12 shouldn't be reading this book either. In fact no one should be reading books about dieting and body shaming, but kids are particularly vulnerable. Everyone trying to defend the book is going on about how no one's even read it (it's not available until October). All I have to say is- can we get real here? Can anyone really claim that something like this is okay? Or parrot the 'ole "don't judge a book by it's cover" line? We have the cover as well as a description and that's more than enough, thank you very much. Let me tell you a little something about eating disorders- and be prepared, I won't be nice and I won't be my usual eloquent self. I will curse and I will get mad.

To the people defending this book or defending diets and weight loss programs for children- are you fucking kidding me? Do you even have an inkling of the horrors that people who struggle with disordered eating and eating disorders face? Do you have any idea what it's like to live in a fat body at 14 years old (the age of the girl in the story)? It would be one thing if this book was about exercising and eating right and being healthy- it's not. It's about a fattie getting thin and solving all of her life problems. Bullshit. Not only can she be a soccer star while also being a big fat fattie, but she can be happy and healthy and wear a pink dress in her size.

I also have a problem with the photo- that's not a size 14. Images like this severely distort how we think about body sizes. Or, as my husband calls it, social body dysmorphia. This is a size 14. The girl in the picture looks closer to a size 26 or so. I know sizes look a bit different on teens, but come on. This is me at a size 16 at age 16 (only two years older than Maggie here. Yes, it's a picture of a picture. So sue me.) There's nothing wrong with being a size 26 but there is something wrong with distorting what we imagin when we think of sizes because it helps push those ideals lower. It simply highlights the sensationalist nature of this book.

What, you think this won't contribute to the same diet culture that creates and perpetuates those eating disorders to begin with? It's true that no one thing suddenly causes an eating disorder or self esteem problems. It's not just this book that's the problem. The problem is that our entire culture supports the ideas in this book. It's not about this one book, it's about the fact that kids already have enough body hate thrown at them, they don't need mommy and daddy reading them books about hating their bodies when they go to bed at night.

Let me regurgitate some facts for you (yes, I used that word on purpose):

• half of little girls 3-to-6 think they're fat 
• eating disorders (specifically anorexia and bulimia) in kids under the age of 12 rose 119% over the past 9 years
• Eating disorders on the whole rose 15%.
• A majority of 5-year-olds would rather lose an arm than be fat (did you read that? I fucking said FIVE YEAR OLDS)
• More than 60% of teenage girls skip breakfast at least once a week and nearly 20% skip it every day.
• An estimated 1 in 3 of all dieters develop compulsive dieting attitudes and behaviors. Of these, one quarter will develop full or partial eating disorders.
• In a study of children aged 8-10, approximately 50 per cent of girls said they were unhappy with their size.
• In a study of girls aged 9-15, more than 50 per cent claimed they exercised to lose weight, nearly 50 per cent claimed they reduced food intake in order to lose weight, and approximately 5 per cent claimed to use their parents' diet pills or laxatives in order to lose weight.
• One out of three women and one out of four men are on a diet at any given time.
• In 1970 the average age a girl started dieting was fourteen; by 1990 the average age dropped to eight. (This book apparently thinks that's too old since it's targeted at 4-12 year olds).
• 51% of nine and ten year old girls stated they felt better about themselves when they were adhering to a diet.
• Frequent dieting is highly correlated with depression
• 79% of teenage girls who vomit and 73% of teenage girls who use diet pills are frequent readers of women’s health and fitness magazines.
• 81% of ten year old girls are afraid of being fat.
• 42% of girls in first through third grades state they want to be thinner.
• 30% of women chose an ideal body shape that is 20% underweight and an additional 44% chose an ideal body shape that is 10% underweight.
• Kids as young as four are being hospitalized for eating disorders (four- keeping in mind this book targets kids as young as four according to the amazon website)

I could go on, but I don't think I need to. 

Why Dieting Is Disordered Eating

photo by: Danbwr Photos

What is Dieting and What Is Disordered Eating?

America, as well as many privileged countries, are having a love affair with dieting. The dieting industry is a multi billion dollar a year industry. They spend copious amounts of greenbacks playing on our worst fears, hyping up false health scares, and convincing us that all of our problems would just go away if we weren't so freaking fat.

Okay, so what is disordered eating? The simplest definition is that it's  an irregular eating habit. In other words, if you're not eating for sustenance and pleasure- then your eating habits are irregular. This can include emotional eating, calorie/food deprivation, and yes, dieting. Disordered eating is not an eating disorder, but they are connected and disordered eating often leads into eating disorders

What is dieting? Dieting is an exercise in control- a common denominator with eating disorders. The most common form of dieting is calorie deprivation. Other than the fact that dieting makes you gain weight, not lose it, long term calorie restriction can lead to severe health problems. So- obsessively counting calories/fat grams/carbs for the purpose of altering your physical appearance. That is dieting. 

Well, what's wrong with that? Firstly we can start off by saying that dieting and weight loss as firmly grounded in the superficial and vain- and I don't just mean the dieters but all of society that encourages, pressures, and expects people to look a very certain way, especially women. First let's get rid of the excuse that dieting is for health. People who are really changing their eating patterns for health don't diet- they engage in healthful eating behaviors by incorporating more healthy foods and limiting unhealthy ones. If you are on a traditional diet solely for health benefits then you are bigfoot-rare and probably aren't the type of person to read a blog like this anyway. Although I should warn you that if you're doing it for health- you're not going about it the best way (see the above links). In reality, even if some people hide behind the "it'll improve my  health", let's be honest, if you got healthier but didn't lose any weight, how would you feel? Disappointed? Frustrated? Depressed? Then your real reason was to be thinner. Ignoring your body's natural weight and trying to push it below that, then that's not natural eating. It is disordered eating.  What is natural eating? It is eating for sustenance and pleasure as well as paying attention to internal cues for what your body needs nutritionally as well as cues for hunger, fullness, thirst, etc. Dieting means ignoring hunger, ignoring nutrition (ignoring calorie needs is the most common but low carb diets come in a close second. The daily recommended amount of carbs is around 300 where, for example, some Atkins patients in the 'first phase' are restricted to about 20) and having an unhealthy focus on food. 

Disordered Eating And The Line Into Eating Disorder

Susan Schullherr, LCSW, an advocate for the rights of patients with eating disorders, in an interview on PsychCentral, says that "Dieting sharply increases the likelihood of crossing the line from disordered eating into eating disorder". One of the most pervasive causes of disordered eating, she says, is trying to adhere to an unrealistic social ideal of thinness. Sounds familiar doesn't it? While I love the BBC Documentary "Why are thing people not fat" for it's ability to demonstrate how thin bodies handle excess calories and limited exercise, one of the most disturbing parts of it is that the participants all began engaging in aspects of disordered eating after the experiment was done- obsessively counting calories and fixating on what foods they could or could not have as opposed to their original behavior of just eating whatever they felt like and listening to internal cues (something that kept all of them thin and lean because that was their natural body type and weight).  This highlighted just how afraid people who engage in disordered eating are of food. If you're afraid of food- you can be sure that you're not eating naturally. 

People have stopped thinking of food as this great thing that is necessary for survival, health, and, indeed, can even be pleasurable and they've started thinking about it in terms of being an enemy.  It's not what food does for you, it's what food does to you. Food is something you have to conquer, to fight. Hunger is an ambush, just waiting to mess up your entire life. And eating is a necessary action that holds your body as a prisoner of war. Someone please tell me how any of this can be considered a healthy relationship with food? 

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) is the less well known and less cared about eating disorder and the one that most dieters cross the line into. According to the DSM-IV (the standard for diagnostic criteria of mental illness), the criteria for EDNOS is extremely vague and basically states that it's any eating disorder which doesn't qualify for anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorder, however, some examples of criteria include:

Based on the limited technical criteria above, following are some additional examples of the behaviors associated with persons struggling with EDNOS. (Please note: this is by no means a comprehensive listing). *1

1. You're always on a diet, always coming off a diet, or always getting ready to go on one again (chronic dieting).
2. You categorize foods as 'safe' and 'off limits', but are not significantly underweight and are not participating in bulimia.
3. You starve yourself regularly, but are not significantly underweight (i.e. less than 85% ideal weight)
4. You eliminate entire food groups from your diet (yes, that includes carbs!).
5. You are obsessed with exercising but eat fairly regularly.
6. You binge and/or purge, but not more than once a week.
7. You substitute supplements and fad diets for real food, but are not significantly underweight.
8. You skip social occasions because you feel fat, or because you are afraid of what's being served, yet are not significantly underweight.
9. You are obsessed with eating only organic, natural or raw foods (orthorexia).
10. You believe that everyone is as focused on your weight as you are.
11. You refuse to eat regular meals, choosing instead to 'nibble' throughout the day on small portions of food (which usually leads to binging).

Any of this sounding familiar? At this point it's easy to point out that if you're fat you're expected  to exhibit these behaviors. It's only an issue when you're already socially ideal- according to most people. But psychologically the process, the emotions, and the pain and obsession are the same. Of course, if you go and see a therapist who specializes in eating disorders they're likely to diagnose you with EDNOS whether you're fat or not, but the baseline information shows a significant bigotry against fat people. We're supposed  to starve ourselves and obsess over food, right? Because accepting our fat means accepting laziness, and gluttony.  

I spoke with nutritional anthropologist Leah Baskett from the University of Arizona who said, "I think in our society fat people can't have ED, period....If you're fat, and if you do not keep a food journal, weigh yourself all the time, ruminate over every single bite of food, and absolutely despise yourself for having any needs and despise your own body for having needs (esp. the need for food), you are a piece of shit." And I agree with her. Because these behaviors are expected in fat people and you're a "bad fattie" if you don't engage in them, then we end up thrown into a world of disordered eating that's not acknowledged as disordered eating. A "good" fattie is someone who's properly ashamed of their weight and making every (futile) effort to conform to the societal ideal. 

So, if chronic dieting is considered a symptom of an eating disorder, then dieting in and of itself can certainly be called disordered eating. Especially since it doesn't achieve that which the dieter hopes for- health and lasting thinness. Baskett noted, "Every diet (or as they now label themselves, "lifestyle change") group I ever was a part of....did not discourage disordered thinking about food: on the contrary, they actively encouraged and promoted it." Linda Bacon, PhD and author of Health at Every size, told me, "Absolutely, I believe that dieting is disordered eating. As I write in Health at Every Size, "Any system that emphasizes external processes to determine what to eat is fragile and ineffective and promotes discontent and periodic rebellion and binging." I'd much rather support people in honoring their intrinsic drive to take care of themselves."


The bottom line seems to come down to the idea that fat people can't have eating disorders and the only form of disordered eating they can have is overeating. When people who aren't of the social ideal engage in disordered eating/eating disorders it is considered good. It means they are properly ashamed of their grotesque form and trying to become a good and better person. The fact that we promote disordered eating in anyone is worrying and is detrimental to both physical health and mental health. I would argue that the mental health damages of diet culture and body shaming is far worse than any physical health damages that are perceived by the general population. 


 Dieters who aren't underweight are the silently abused. Abused by an industry that profits from their pain, abused by a society that places worth and value on appearance and weight, and abused by themselves as they internalize the vitriolic messages about their bodies. Body acceptance and, yes, fat acceptance, is the only good way to combat these unhealthy relationships and feelings with and about food. While we should all be informed about our food choices and be aware of what goes into our bodies, food should not carry feelings of guilt, shame, or disgust. 

"The Industry Standard"? YOU are what I'm fighting.

Have you ever come across a sizist that just made you want to rage? On Model Mayhem, the main site that I currently go through for shoots, I was browsing images (and there are some truly stunning ones) when I came across a very interesting one. I clicked.


Begin rageface.


Not only did the photographer, in his profile, come across as very rude,but his ideas about beauty embody everything that is wrong with the industry. Embodies everything that I fight against when it comes to the media's abuse of women and young girls. His requirements for working with models? 5'9" or taller and no more than 120lbs- he stressed that this was the absolute max he would take a model at. More so he stressed the need for 100% flawless skin, "politely" informing us "don't waste your time if you don't fit the description".

size 4 model

Okay, for a moment, let's ignore the flawless skin comment. While it's beyond moronic to require flawless skin for an image that you're going to retouch anyway (and he does retouch his photos, of course) the weight and height requirements which, he points out, are the industry standard, are what really got me going. Just for fun I decided to type in his minimum requirements of 5"9 and 120lbs into a BMI calculator. While I don't advocate using one of these on yourself as they are, by and large, pretty useless on measuring health, it was interesting to see that it came in at a status of underweight. Of course, he prefers models who are thinner and taller so let's try 110lbs and 5'11" and you begin getting severely underweight,.

Ana Carolina Reston Marcan size 0 model
who was still modeling until her death due to
 complications from anorexia. 

Now, I want to take a moment to point out that some people are naturally very tall or very thin or both. They eat well, they exercise, and they are healthy. Their bodies are simply no good at storing energy and they should, in no way, be belittled for their natural shape or size. However, the problem here is that the occurring of people like this naturally is fairly rare. The average size of a woman in the US is 14. That means that half of all women are over this and half are under this. I don't know the statistics on just how many people are a size 0-4 (extra small and "the industry standard") but I can assure you, it's not most women.


There is just something a little disturbing about a photographer who requires his models to be underweight and contributes to the attitude among female models that they must starve themselves in order to achieve this magical fantasy of thinness. In 2006 Uruguayan fashion model Luisel Ramos finally reached the coal of size zero and, shortly after a fashion show, died of a heart attack as a result of her extreme dieting. 

size 12 model

Add to this that 80% of elementary age girls feel like they're too fat or need to lose weight and that eating disorders are becoming an epidemic in this country and you have to wonder how people like this can sleep at night.  Seven million women and about a million men in the US are estimated to have an eating disorder such as anorexia nervosa or bulemia. These numbers don't even count disordered eating like over eating or binge eating which have less severe physical effects but similarly severe psychological and emotional effects (especially when considering these tend to be dismissed and even mocked leaving the victim feeling more at fault and less likely to seek help). 


This is exactly why I decided to try my hand at modeling and why my profiles all say that I'm here to knock down societal walls. Women need to be evenly represented in the media. They need to know that they should not try to attain anything more than health and happiness and that this "standard" is impossible, ridiculous, and unattainable. More so, they need to know that all bodies can be beautiful and sexy and wonderful.


I'll end this post on a more comical note- the photographer in question also refers to himself in the third person. Yes, you can feel free to laugh and commence eye rolling.